I'm looking through you
by small-ant38
Summary: Sequel to Time to leave. Several months after graduation, the two boys live a happy life in San Francisco, before Puck got hit by a car. The consequences of the accident endanger their relationship. Puckurt, SLASH, fluff.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi guys, I'm back with a sequel for Time to leave. It will be a mutlichapter sequel with at least ten chapters.**

**For those who are reading this and haven't read Time to leave, I advise you to read it. You won't understand everything if you read it independantly.**

**I really hope that those who asked for this sequel will like it.**

**If you could review to let me know what you think of this, it would be awesome !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

He was holding his hand. Maybe he could not feel him but at least, if he did, he knew that he was not alone.

"You're strong, you can do it." He said, sending all the psychological support he could give. "I can't do anything without you, you know that. Don't let me down, please."

Kurt had come back home from university, three hours before. He had had a good day, he loved what he studied. He had chosen to study American literature much to everyone's surprise.

All his friends thought he would go to New York and start fashion designer study, so they had all thought he had lost his mind when he decided to do literature. Mercedes had taken it on Puck, thinking that Kurt had given up on fashion to go back to San Francisco with his boyfriend. Truth was, Puck had been very supportive of Kurt and had tried to convince him to follow what he had always been dreaming of. But Kurt had grown a big interest in literature during senior year and had decided to follow this way instead of fashion. Puck had been very happy, of course, because there was one of the best literature university in San Francisco and it was Kurt's first choice.

Meanwhile, Puck had graduated too, much to everyone's dismay. During senior year, Kurt had offered to help him many times with his work but Puck had always claimed that he wanted to do it on his own. And he had succeeded. His grades were not the best but they were enough for him to graduate. He was still determined to form a rock band, so when they had finally come back to San Francisco, he had found a job as mechanic in the same place as one and a half year before. This way he earned money for them and did something until he had his band.

Aunt Helen had offered them to live at her place until they gathered enough money to find their own place. The boys had said yes and had a really nice time living with her and her girlfriend. Helen was an artist who sold paintings and sculptures, so, she often had to leave town for a few days for exhibitions. That left the two boys alone in her big apartment and they went back to their old habits of acting like kids.

That was one thing that made that Puck and Kurt were lucky to have found each other, they could be very mature when needed, but when it came to being alone together, they could shamelessly act like little kids without laughing at each other. And it didn't stop them from having intense sex sessions all around the apartment.

Puck had finally recovered from what had happened in juvie. After the first day of trial, the Lima most read newspaper had written an article about the trial. The next day, three young men, all Puck's age, had sued Max for the same reasons. A family had sued him for leading their son to suicide. The boy had been in juvie for one week for a minor misdemeanor, when he was released he had told his family what happened and the following night had opened his wrists, not being able to bear the memories.

The trial lasted months and Puck had a hard time making school and his personal life cope with it. People watched him in the streets, wondering if he really was the boy that had been raped in prison. At one point he hardly could stand going outside his house. When Max had finally been convicted, people started looking at Puck with sympathy and his life was almost back to normal.

One of the first days of school, Karofsky had attacked Kurt again when he had found him alone, but Kurt had been able to defend himself and Karofsky had been expelled from McKinley. After that, school went well. Of course, some students were staring at them, they were not used to see two boys holding hands and kissing. Even less the former number one badass with the resident queer. But they could handle stares, they had been through way worse, and the idea of going back to San Francisco after the end of the year made it easy to bear.

After their graduation Burt had tried to convince them to stay in Ohio, or at least to go in New York or Chicago. Kurt knew it was hard for Burt to see his son leave at the other end of the country with his boyfriend, and, even if he had known since they had come back, that they'd leave again, it was very hard for him to handle. Carole had helped him to go through this, Burt had grown attached to his step-son and Finn had decided to stay in Lima to work with Burt so he had, at least, one son left.

"So here we are." Puck had said with a huge grin on his face when they were sitting in the plane going back to the life they had left one and a half year ago.

"Here we are." Kurt had answered smiling back. It had been hard saying goodbye to everyone. Their friends and families had thrown a surprise party the day before, giving them presents, photo frames with pictures of them and their friends, a lot of things that made Kurt cry.

"It's gonna be awesome." Puck had said. "It's been frustrating me not to live together last year, you have no idea."

"Yes I have an idea Noah, I do." Kurt had replied, their parents allowed them one night together per week which was awful after living together for so many weeks. And now real freedom was back. Finally.

The first few months in San Francisco had been amazing, Kurt had quickly gotten accustomed to university and Puck loved his work.

Until that night, Kurt had been thinking that he didn't deserve to be that happy. He was going home from university when Aunt Helen had announced him the worst news ever.

"Kurt, Noah was going home from work and he... He got hit by a car. The driver was drunk, he hadn't noticed the red light." She said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What are you trying to tell me ?" Kurt asked. "Where is Noah ? He can't be dead, he can't." Kurt said panicking.

"He's not dead, he's at the hospital." She said. "I was waiting for you, to take you with me." Kurt's world was going upside-down. Noah was the one person he could not lose, he loved him too much to lose him. Kurt found it hard to move, he wanted to see Puck, to talk to him, to touch him, but he didn't know in what state he would find his boyfriend in. "Let's go Kurt." Helen said, taking Kurt's hand.

And now, Kurt was sitting in the hospital, holding a comatose Puck's hand.

"You're strong, you can do it. I can't do anything without you, you know that. Don't let me down, please." Kurt said, crying. All the doctor had said was that Puck's state was stable, but they could not determine if he would wake up or not. "We've been through so many things Noah. We've survived everything, don't let a stupid drunk driver kill you. I promise you I'll stay here as long as you need me to. I'll never leave you alone Noah. Just don't leave me alone as well. I love you too much to lose you now."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: **

"Hello, Mr Hummel ?" The woman on the phone asked.

"Yes it's me." Kurt replied.

"I called to inform you that Mr Puckerman is waking up. He showed signs of cerebral activity this morning, we think he'll be completely awake this afternoon." The doctor said.

"So you mean, he's safe ?" Kurt asked to make sure.

"Yes Mr Hummel, he's safe."

"I'll be here in twenty minutes." Kurt said before hanging up. He gathered the papers spread over the table and stuffed them in his bag. He was in the middle of the library and people around him were looking at him like he were crazy. He was not supposed to answer the phone in here, but when he had seen it was the hospital calling, he forgot about it and took the call. He stood up, making his chair fall with the sharp move, put it up again and ran to the entrance of the library. When he passed the security checkpoint, the alarm rang, indicating that he had a book in his bag. One security guard came, Kurt rummaged in his bag, grabbed the clandestine book and gave it to the guard before running again through the campus. He hesitated for a moment between walking or taking his car. At that time, traffic was awful, he'd rather walk.

Puck would not die. He was waking up and would be okay. They would go on living together and being happy with their perfect life. It had been one week of awful stress for Kurt, he hadn't managed to work properly and sleep a complete night since Puck was lying in this bed. He had spent all his spare time in the hospital, holding Puck's hand, talking about stupid things to him, like the awful pastel coloring of the walls. He hadn't mentioned the dark things about Puck's past, thinking it would maybe make Puck sink deeper in his comatose state. On his way to the hospital, Kurt texted Aunt Helen to let her know about the news.

_Noah's waking up, on my way to the hospital, will let you know._

Kurt's aunt had had to go to New York for an exhibition. She had felt bad about leaving Kurt alone in times like this, but Kurt had assured her that he would be okay and would let her know if there were news like this.

Although the traffic was crazy at that time, the city was calm and peaceful to Kurt. It was the first time in days he saw things this way. All week long he had been on edge; every time someone talked to him he was ready to snap. When he was walking in the city and saw how people looked calm he wanted to shout, to yell at them that they shouldn't feel like this, that they should worry for Noah. It was unfair that he had to be the only one worrying. He cried himself to sleep every night, alone in his large, cold, bed.

But now, everything was going to get better, in a few days, Puck would be allowed to go back home and things would go back to normal. Because Puck was the one person that could make Kurt feel normal, beautiful and loved. Because Puck was Kurt's life, as Kurt was Puck's life, like he had said three days before the accident.

In one month was the anniversary of the day Puck had joined Kurt in San Francisco. They had decided to celebrate this day because it was even more important than the day they had decided to date. In a way, they had both saved each other that day. If Puck had not come, Kurt would probably still be stuck in his abusive relationship with Keith, and no one knew what Puck would have done without Kurt to help him out with his demons.

Kurt finally entered the hospital, he was out of breath but didn't mind. He went to the receptionist, waiting for the lady to end her phone call.

"You must be kidding me !" She said on the phone. "I can't believe it, and what did he say after that ?" A personal phone call. Wonderful.

"I'm Kurt Hummel I come to see-" He was cut off by the receptionist waving her hand to tell him to wait, indicating the phone. Kurt sighed, angry, and decided he didn't need to register. He walked in the corridors he knew, oh too well now.

When he entered Puck's room he smiled at the sight of his boyfriend, knowing that he would be okay. He sat on the chair he had personally placed by Puck's bed and took his hand.

"Hey beautiful." He said softly. "They say you're waking up. I think it's time for you to open your eyes." Puck moved his head slightly, but enough to make Kurt smile widely. Puck was really waking up.

He spent the entire afternoon here, talking to Puck squeezing his hand. He got two squeezes back and Puck moved his head and sighed some times.

"Listen lazy boy, you really should wake up now, I'll have to leave in half an hour. If you don't want to wake up alone during the night squeeze my hand." He told his boyfriend when visit hours were almost over. Puck squeezed his hand, letting him now that he agreed with Kurt. "That's good. Now open your eyes." Kurt tried, scrutinizing Puck's eyelids. He could see his eyes moving through them and his eyelashes trembled as he tried to open his eyes. "Almost." Kurt whispered to support him.

"What am I doing here ?" Puck asked, his eyes still closed. Kurt was so relieved to hear his voice, that he couldn't do but chuckle at the question.

"You got run into by a car." Kurt answered softly. Puck squeezed his hand harder as he finally managed to open his eyes. He looked at the ceiling as he asked.

"And where am I ?"

"San Francisco General Hospital." Kurt answered. Puck finally turned his head to face Kurt.

"What are we doing here ?" He asked frowning.

"I just told you, you got run into by a car one week ago." Kurt replied, slightly confused.

"In San Francisco. What are we doing in San Francisco ?" He asked.

"We came back four months ago, you don't remember ?" Kurt asked, fear growing inside of him. Puck shook his head, he looked totally lost. "I'm going to call a nurse to get you checked over." He said pressing the button that was hanging next to Puck's head.

"Hi Mr Hummel, what can I do for you ?" The nurse asked when entered the room twenty seconds later

"Noah woke up entirely." Kurt said.

"I'm going to check on him." She said gently.

"Hummel ? I didn't recognize you. Why are you here ?" Puck asked, fear becoming a cold ball inside Kurt's chest. He squeezed the bed sheets to remain calm and squeezed Puck's hand as well. "Why are we holding hands ?" Puck asked, taking back his hand. Kurt tried to fight back tears that were invading his eyes.

"I... we-"

"He's doing okay." The nurse cut him off. "I'm sorry but you'll have to leave in five minutes Mr Hummel."

"He's not doing okay !" Kurt said, trying not to shout. "He doesn't remember anything. He... he forgot everything." Kurt said, crying now.

"I'm going to bring a doctor, when he'll be here, I'm sorry but you'll have to leave so we can run some tests." Kurt nodded watching the nurse leaving the room. Puck was still looking lost now.

"Wh... What do you remember ?" Kurt asked, afraid to look at his boyfriend in the eye, afraid of what he could see in them.

"Junior year, we won a game. Thanks to you. Which month are we in ?" Puck asked.

"October 2012 Noah." Kurt told him, trying not to cry but failing at the task.

"What are we doing in San Francisco ?" Puck asked again. "I've never left Lima. And why is it you here and not my family or Finn ?" A sob escaped Kurt's mouth as the doctor entered the room.

"Son, can you leave us please. Visit hours are over." He said.

"Wait, I wanna know what the fuck I'm doing in San Francisco !" Puck said trying catch Kurt's arm but he failed as he had barely no strength.

"I'll tell you Noah. I'll come back tomorrow and tell you everything you want to know." Kurt said wiping the tear off his face as he left the room. He tried to walk steadily, making his way to the nearest bathroom. He sat inside of a cubicle and burst into tears.

Puck didn't remember anything. They had been together for a so long time and he could not remember the slightest thing. That was unfair, he had to remember. Remember the day he had joined Kurt in San Francisco and had hugged him in his room, saying that he had changed. Remember his hatred for Keith and how he had made them break up. Remember how they slept together even before dating. Remember their first kiss in the hospital and how he had made it wonderful. Their first day back at school, when Kurt didn't feel okay but Puck had taken his hand and kissed him on the cheek to give him courage when everyone was staring at them.

There were all those wonderful moments they said they'd never forget and Puck had forgotten all about them in one week. That was just unfair. Kurt's phone rang, he grabbed it and found it was Helen calling him.

"Hi." He said, trying hard to hide the crying in his voice.

"Hi Kurt, so how's Noah ?" She asked happily.

"He awoke." Kurt replied.

"Oh that's wonderful, I'm going to take the next flight and be here by tomorrow to see him." She said.

"No don't come." Kurt burst. He didn't know why, but he could not stand the idea of other people seeing Puck in that state of his.

"Why honey ?" She asked.

"He... He doesn't remember anything." Kurt said crying again. "He thinks we're in 2010 and doesn't understand what he's doing here." He said desperate. "He didn't recognize me." He admitted finally.

"Oh that's terrible Kurt, I'm sorry." She said concerned. "I'll be here tomorrow, for you." She decided.

"He doesn't remember me." Kurt said in tears, not listening to his aunt anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! So that was the second chapter ! I'm sorry fo those who are upset to see the boys in pain like that, it hurts me too. But don't worry, the whole story won't be all sad, there will be happy chapters later on !**

**I just started school again and I have a lot of work to do so I don't really have time to give answers to all you reviews (They are awesome by the way !), I hope I'll find time this week end.**

**I love you all !**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

"So what you're saying is that he doesn't remember anything at all since a football game in 2010 ?" Sarah asked.

"Stop repeating that Sarah, can't you see Kurt's feeling bad now ?" John told his girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, it's just that your story is the most amazing I've ever seen and Puck loves you so badly-"

"Loved." Kurt stated trying to remain calm.

"What ?"

"He loved me Sarah. Now I'm nothing more than the resident queer to him." He said. He had been crying so much since the hospital that he wondered how there possibly could still have tears in his body. But there were since his eyes were wet again. Sarah came to him and hugged him.

"He still loves you Kurt. It's just that, currently, the part of him that loves you is out of order. Feelings like the ones he had for you just can't vanish like that."

Aunt Helen had called Kurt's friend to ask them to go and see Kurt, for him not to be alone for the night, and now, indeed he was not alone, but the conversation they were having made him feel more lonely than ever.

"He'll remember dude. It will just take time. And didn't you say he remembered of only one game ?" John asked.

"Yes I did." Kurt replied flatly, not seeing in what this info mattered.

"And it is the one game you played and they won." He said. "I don't think it's nothing. I mean, at that time what was your relationship like ?"

"Nothing. He threw me into dumpsters every morning and called me ridiculous nicknames."

"And did things changed after that game ?" John asked.

"Yes, he stopped bullying me and we just stopped acknowledging one another's existence." Kurt said.

"That's something important, it was a big step in your relationship. If that game hadn't happened, he wouldn't have thought about you as anything more than the resident queer. But that game happened and he saw there was more to you, that's what made him think about you when he was in juvie, and that was the reason why he came here." John said.

"Okay so you're crazy." Kurt stated.

"I think John's not totally wrong." Sarah said. "I usually disagree with him but the last thing Puck remembers is linked to you Kurt."

"I need to think about it. I think I'm going to go to bed now, I'm waking up early to go and see Noah tomorrow." He said.

"Alright, you call us if you need help okay ?" John said.

"Will do, thanks a lot guys."

That night, Kurt cried himself to sleep again. He knew that the next day he would have to tell Puck that they were boyfriends and his reaction would probably kill Kurt.

The following morning, when Kurt entered Puck's room, the boy was eating breakfast, watching the news.

"Fuckin' finally !" Puck said when he saw Kurt entering the room.

"Sorry, visiting hours didn't allow me to come earlier." He said, hating Puck's tone of voice.

"So you're like the only guy from Lima to be here ?" Puck asked, his tone was cold, it hurt Kurt even more.

"Yes I am."

"So what the fuck are we both doing here ?" He asked.

"It's a long story Noah." Kurt replied.

"Why are you calling me Noah ? No one does, no one's allowed to call me that."

"You allowed me." Kurt answered. "Actually, you were the one asking me to call you that."

"Really ? Wow, I must have hurt my head severely." He stated.

"Could you, I don't, stop talking like that ?" Kurt asked. Puck had stopped talking this way to him after joining glee club, this aggressive tone was terrible.

"Why ?"

"Because you had stopped and it hurts when you do." Kurt said.

"Alright. Only if you tell me why we are here." Puck stated.

"You're not going to like it Noah." Kurt said. He didn't want to tell Puck about juvie and what he had been through. He had managed to forget about that and that was a really good thing. Kurt had no idea how he was going to explain how they had fallen in love without telling that part of of Puck's past but it didn't matter.

"I'm think I'm the only one to judge if I like it or not." Puck retorted.

"We'r... We were boyfriends Noah." Kurt stated looking at the floor like he was ashamed of that fact. He was scared that Puck might believe that Kurt had molested or forced him or something like that.

"You're kidding me right ?" Puck asked, ready to laugh at the joke.

"I'm not kidding. But I never forced you or anything. Actually you were the one making a move on me." Kurt defended himself.

"But I'm straight dude, I can't be dating you !" Puck said.

"You're pan. But if you don't want us to date anymore I'd understand." Kurt hated to say.

"Hey, I just went out of a coma, wait a minute before jumping on me !" Puck said.

"Stop talking like that !" Kurt said, crying again. "I know it's hard for you, I do. But do you think it's okay for me ? I've been thinking you were going to die for one week, I was desperate and now you wake up and you don't remember loving me ! Do you think it's easy for me to come and talk to you when you're back to your old self, the ones that was throwing me into dumpsters ?"

"Hey slow down Hummel, I was just saying." Puck said.

"Stop calling me Hummel ! My name is Kurt !" The boy shouted. "I need to talk to the doctor." He decided standing up. This time Puck grabbed his hand before he could go.

"I don't remember two years of my life Kurt." He said stressing on the name. "Don't you think it's more important than talking to a damn doctor ?"

"I need to talk to him about your amnesia Noah." Kurt explained.

"Then bring him here."

"I can't." Kurt said leaving the room. Hadn't he walked two steps in the corridor that the doctor found him.

"Mr Hummel, I need to talk to you and Mr Puckerman." The doctor said.

"Actually I was wondering if I could talk to you in private." Kurt stated.

"Sure, what is it ?" The doctor asked as they were walking to his office. Once they were both sat in the office Kurt started to explain.

"It's about Noah's amnesia." He started. "He wants me to tell him what happened during the last two years."

"That'd be the best way for him to recover his memory, yes." The doctor nodded.

"The thing is, terrible things happened to him and I don't know if he really should remember them." Kurt explained.

"I'm sorry if it's a personal story but I need to know what it is to decide whether he should or not know about them." Kurt swallowed hard. They had stopped talking about that, it was part of their past now.

"He went in Juvie for two weeks last year and was raped several times." Kurt explained, his voice quivering. "There was a long trial and in the end the guy was condemned to spend his entire life in jail. At first it almost killed Noah, so, maybe would it be better if he didn't remember that at all." Kurt explained.

When you say it almost killed him, you mean that he thought about suicide ?" The doctor asked. Kurt nodded quietly. "And what made him change his mind ?"

"I had left town at that moment, and when he came back from juvie and saw I was gone, he followed and we helped each other." Kurt explained.

"So you are the reason why he didn't kill himself. I think you should, at first, try to tell him about his life without the dark memories and see if he remembers. If he doesn't, I'm afraid you'll have to tell him about what happened in jail. I think he chose to forget about it, because, even if he was doing well there was always a part of him that didn't cope with it well." The doctor explained.

"Alright doctor, thank you." Kurt said standing up. The went silently out of the office.

"You'll have to be brave too, amnesia can be a long process. There's no reason for Noah not to recover his memory entirely, but it might take time." He said as they were just outside Puck's room. Kurt entered and sat beside Puck again.

"So ?" Puck asked.

"The doctor says I should tell you about what happened during the last two years and it will help you remember." Kurt explained.

"Let's do it." Puck replied, sitting comfortably in the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

"So, your memories stop after the game that's it ?" Kurt asked.

"Yep, you were a fuckin' hero that day man." Puck said.

"Well, after that there had been a huge scandal because, you remember Quinn Fabray ?" Kurt asked. Puck nodded. "You knocked her up." Kurt explained.

"You're kidding me ! I can't have a child !" Puck said panicked.

"She didn't keep the baby, Rachel Berry's mom adopted Beth."

"Beth, like in Kiss' song ?" Puck asked. Kurt smiled.

"You were the one choosing her name." He said. In Junior year you also joined glee club, and you were really good." Kurt said. "We went to the Regionals but lost."

"That's weird you know. It's like you're telling me someone else's life." Puck explained.

"I know, but the doctor says you will remember if I tell you about your life, so that's what I do." Kurt said. "In sophomore, that's when things changed. You did the stupidest of thing, you ran into an ATM with your mom's car." Kurt explained. Puck burst out laughing.

"You know why I did that ?" Puck asked still laughing. Kurt shook his head, realizing that they had never talked about it. "I've been dreaming of doing it since I was six. I'm pretty sure I was drunk."

"Yes you were." Kurt answered smiling. "Because of that you went in juvie for two weeks. Guys were not nice in there, you got beaten up and stuff." Kurt said not to tell the details. "When you came back to school you found out that I was gone."

"Where were you ?" Puck asked.

"Here." Kurt replied "So you went after me."

"Why ? I mean, was I already in love with you or something ?" Puck asked.

"No you weren't." Kurt said, his heart aching when he realized that Puck didn't remember when he had fallen in love with him. "But you didn't want to leave me alone here. Everyone thought I was not far and that I'd be back in a few days, but you, you were sure I was not going to come back so you went after me."

"I'm so cool." Puck stated, Kurt chuckled.

"Sure you are." Kurt replied. "You mostly went after me because of the guy I was going to meet there, I had only talked to him on the internet."

"Alright, so, that's official, you're insane." Puck said.

"That's what you told me." Kurt smiled. "He lived in an apartment along with three students and we lived with them, that was nice."

"We were already dating ?" Puck asked.

"No, I was with Keith at that time, the guy from the internet." Kurt explained.

"I bet I was freakin' jealous of him or something." Puck said.

"You didn't like him that's for sure. He was kind of abusive on me."

"How abusive ?" Puck asked curiously.

"I don't feel like talking about Keith right now." Kurt said.

"He raped you ?" Puck asked. At the word, a spark lit up in Puck's eyes, like he was about to remember, but it vanished instantly.

"No he didn't." Kurt replied quickly to change the subject. "In the end, you made him break up with me. I hated you for that by the way."

"Hey I was trying to help ! Or to get into your pants maybe." Puck said as if he remembered. Kurt chuckled.

"I know you were, I've been mean to you at that moment. Like, really mean. But then you forgave me and we had a blast because we were only the two of us in the apartment." Kurt said, smiling at the memory of the few days before they had had to go back to Lima.

"What did we do ?" Puck asked. He was still sitting comfortably in his bed, hands behind his hand like he did every morning.

"We made pancakes, and you really sucked at it by the way. We danced and sang, you took me in a bar, we ended the night drunk as hell it was really fun."

"Wait. You, Kurt Hummel, went into a bar and got drunk ?" Puck asked in disbelief.

"Yes I was, because of you. And then we … we slept in the same bed for the first time. We just slept but it was really nice."

"But were we like... together at that time ?" Puck asked unsure.

"Not yet, we were just really close friends. Then we had to come back to Lima for some stuff."

"What stuff ?" Puck asked.

"Nothing important." Kurt answered.

"If you don't tell me everything, I don't see how I can manage to remember."

"I swear it's not important. Once in Lima we saw the glee club, it was nice."

"We were still in the glee club ?" Puck asked.

"They're our friends. But then there was Karofsky and he kinda attacked me."

"Like before ? Dumpsters and stuff ?" Puck asked.

"Not exactly. There was a rumor that said that you had turned gay and that we were dating. The thing is, Karofsky is gay and he was jealous of you. That time you stood up for me and one hour later we were dating." Kurt said blushing.

"You mean that we've been dating for one year and a half ?" Puck asked bewildered.

"Uh, yes." Kurt answered.

"That's totally crazy !"

"Not that crazy." Kurt muttered.

"No, I mean, I've never been with anyone more than a week in my life. And now you're telling me that I'm... what again ?"

"Pan." Kurt replied.

"Right. You tell me that I'm pan and that I've been with you for more than one year." Puck said.

"Alright, that sounds crazy." Kurt admitted. "But we're really fine together."

"I want to go back in Lima." Puck said suddenly. That's when Kurt realized that things would never go back the way they were before the accident. He tried to fight back the tears in his eyes.

"Su... Sure" He said his voice quivering.

"Good." Puck said like it was nothing.

"But we live here now you know." He said trying to convince Puck not to leave.

"In my head I live with my mother and my sister and I'm in junior year Kurt."

"I know." Kurt said trying to hide the sadness in his voice.

"The doctor said I can leave the hospital tonight so I'll take the next flight I think."

"Alright. Yeah, that's a good idea. I guess." Kurt said. "Oh, you will have to go and see your boss to tell him you're not going back to work. You're supposed to be good friends." Kurt added.

"What's my job ?" Puck asked.

"Mechanic."

"Uh, you sure ? I don't even know what the hell is a carburetor." Puck said.

"I taught you some stuff last year." Kurt explained. "I should start packing your bag." He said turning around and looking for Puck's bag. He found it, on a chair in the corner of the room. He opened it and started to check if there was something missing. He opened his wallet and found the picture of the two of them with Puck kissing Kurt. It was the picture they had sent to their friends the year before. Kurt all but burst into tears again. Puck had told him once that he was not the kind of lame guys who kept a picture of their boyfriend in the wallet.

"Why are you crying ?" Puck asked from the bed.

"Nothing." Kurt said brushing his tears and putting the wallet back in the bag.

"It's not nothing you look all depressed." Puck said standing up. His arm was broken but the rest of his body was doing okay. He grabbed the bag and took the wallet.

"Wow, that's weird I'm totally not that kind of guy !" He said watching the picture.

"That's what you told me, I didn't know you had this picture in here. We took it to send it to our families and friends. You slipped it in the envelop for everyone to think we were dating without telling me." Kurt explained, trying to stop crying because he was fed up with crying all the time.

"I'm sorry I don't remember anything Kurt." He said passing awkwardly his arm over Kurt's shoulders.

"Don't be, it's not your fault." Kurt said sniffling. "Can I, just .. ?" He didn't end his sentence but waved a hug.

"Uh yeah, sure." Puck said. Kurt took him in his arms and cried on his shoulders like he had done so many times before.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! I hope you liked this chapter ! **

**It would be awesome if you could review to tell me what you think of the story, I'd love you all even more !**

**Love you all !**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Puck was standing is the middle of a huge living room in a really nice apartment in the center of San Francisco. There were things that belonged to him about everywhere, he knew they were his because Kurt had told him that they lived with his aunt and her girlfriend, and clothes like these could not belong to Kurt. But it didn't feel like they belonged to him. They matched his tastes but that was all.

"So tomorrow morning we go and talk to Oliver about quitting your job and then we go to the airport to take the twelve thirty flight to Lima." Kurt said from the kitchen. Every time he was speaking, he sounded really sad and depressed. Puck could vaguely understand that, there were pictures of his aunt and her girlfriend around the apartment as well as pictures of himself and Kurt. They looked really happy together.

Puck looked at them like they were pictures of his twin, none of this had happened for him. There was a picture of their graduation day.

"Man, did I really graduate ?" Puck asked from the living room.

"Yes you did, and you didn't even want help for your work." Kurt said. Puck went on looking at the pictures and found one where they were standing in front of a court, looking more happy than on the others.

"Why were we in front of a court ?" Puck asked.

"Oh, nothing we were just here as tourists." Kurt replied. The way he talked didn't sound right.

"It's the Columbus court, Kurt, I don't think we went in Columbus as tourists." Puck said.

"We were visiting the city with school." Kurt explained.

"I see." Puck replied.

"Oh, Noah, I'm sorry but Helen won't be back in town before Thursday, I had totally forgotten. She'd like to see you before we leave." Kurt said coming into the living room with two plates. "I don't want to force you to stay here, if you want to go you still can. It's just that you saw her as your own aunt and she sees you as her nephew so..." Kurt said embarrassed.

"Your aunt looks cool." Puck said. "And I never visited San Francisco so we can visit the city tomorrow and leave Thursday night." Puck shrugged. Kurt smiled a little sadly. It was amazing how he had changed since junior year. He used to be scrawny and with a round face. Now he was almost Puck's size and was thin, his face was thin as well. When Puck had seen himself in a mirror he had not changed. Except for the mohawk they had shaved to check his head after the accident.

"Why are you looking at me that way ?" Kurt asked.

"Nothing. You've changed since junior year."

"Thank Gaga I did, I looked like a child back then." Kurt replied.

"Something like that yeah." Puck said smiling at the memory of how short Kurt was when they were dancing Single Ladies on the football field.

"Except for the baby thing, and the ATM accident, nothing really important happened right ?" He asked.

"No, no, nothing happened. Well my dad married Finn's mom and they live at home now, but except for that nothing happened." Kurt shrugged.

"How does Finn react ? Are we still friends ?" Puck asked.

"At first he hated you because, you know, he was dating Quinn when you... you know. But now you're friends again. Not best friends but still, friends. And for the wedding, at first he didn't react well, in fact he reacted really badly. But after the wedding we started getting along."

"Okay. I was wondering, why did you leave for San Francisco ? It wasn't for your asshole right ?" Puck asked. He didn't know what the guy had done to Kurt but it didn't seem right at all.

"There was a new kid in glee club, Sam. I wanted to do a duet with him because he looked nice but Finn told me not to do that, that I would destroy Sam's reputation if people knew he had been singing with the resident queer. I didn't pay much attention to what Finn said, he was in his homophobic period. But then my dad agreed and I realized that I would always be alone in Lima so I decided to leave." Kurt said.

"That's not cool." Was all Puck managed to say. "If you wanna know, I've never been picking on you because you were gay." He said, it sounded like a good thing to say at the moment.

"I know, you told me that the first day you joined me here." Kurt said smiling.

"I thought that you telling me what happened would make me remember but still nothing. It's frustrating." Puck said. He had enough of feeling lost like this.

"It will come, maybe it will take time but it will." Kurt said. Puck was feeling something was weird. The way Kurt had wanted to talk to the doctor out of his room, the way he kept being evasive about some points.

That night, two people came, they were called Sarah and John, they looked cool and seemed nice to Puck. Puck tried to sound casual, like he knew them as well but he didn't fool anyone. They sent him weird looks when they thought he was looking at him, they looked concerned. The good thing was that these guys knew how to live. They had brought weed to smoke and, even if Kurt shot him a disapproving look, he smoked on it. The taste reminded him of some nice place he had once considered as home.

"You were the ones we lived with right ?" Puck asked in the middle of a conversation. The two guys looked at him weirdly and Kurt smiled widely.

"You remember ?" He asked.

"It's the taste of this weed, but it makes me angry." He tried to explain his feelings.

"It's the same weed as Keith's, the one we used to smoke when he was here." The John dude said.

"Wow, I really hated that guy." Puck stated, wanting to punch something.

"If it comforts you, you broke his nose once." Kurt said.

"Are you two still boyfriends ?" Sarah asked. John glared at her like she had said something really bad. Kurt tried to shake his head discreetly but Puck saw it. He also saw the pain in his eyes as he did, and the compassion in their friends' eyes.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Kurt said suddenly, his voice quivering. He stood up and walked quickly to the bathroom. Puck felt really bad for him. Everything he saw showed that they had loved each other a lot, but Puck didn't feel it. He would have wanted to feel it, they looked really happy together, but he didn't manage to feel anything, like he didn't manage to consider the two people sitting before him as friends.

"You should go and check if he's okay." Sarah said.

"I don't know. I'm totally lost and I can't manage to feel the way I used to, I'd hurt him even more." Puck replied.

"Right now, all he needs is a hug and I think you're the only one he wants to hug." John said. "You did it pretty often before you were dating, just pretend it's the same." He said.

"I can try." Puck replied. He stood up and walked to the bathroom. He found Kurt sitting on the edge of the bath tube his face in his palms, crying.

"I'm sorry Kurt." Puck said, sitting next to him and hugging him. "I wish I hadn't forgotten everything. We were happy together right ?" He asked.

"Really happy." Kurt choked. Puck hugged him tighter, like he used to hug his little sister when she had a nightmare. He knew that what he was going through was not easy, but what Kurt was going through was hard as well. He had dreaded that Puck would die for one week and now that he knew he would be safe, he realized that things would never be the same. "It's just that, I still love you but I know you can't love me back and I know things will never go back like they were before, and after all we went through, it kills me." Kurt explained. Puck felt tears coming up as well. _When the fuck did I start crying ?_ He wondered.

"You're fuckin' making me cry." He said. "I look stupid now." He added still holding Kurt who chuckled a little.

"You're never stupid when you cry." Kurt replied.

"You must be really in love with me because I do look really stupid when I'm like this." Puck said laughing slightly. Kurt laughed as well, sniffling.

"You loved me too you know. A lot." Kurt said, he was almost done crying.

"I believe you." Puck replied, not doubting that fact. "I must have really loved you to look that cheesy on our pictures."

"You were the cheesiest of us you know ?" Kurt said. "You were cuddling, saying it was for me, but you liked it a lot." Kurt remembered.

"Nah, it must have been for you, I don't like cuddling." Puck denied, even thgough he knew he was lying.

"Sure you do." Kurt said smiling.

"I'm gonna remember everything and when I'm done you'll see that it was for you." Puck said.

"We should go back in the living room to see John and Sarah." Kurt stated. He stood up, looked at his reflection, brushed his tears and went out of the bathroom. Puck sighed, stood up as well and joined them.

"We were about to leave." Sarah said. She walked to say goodbye to Puck. "Remember, we're here for you, like the last time, we can help you if you have a hard time okay ?" She said, John walked on her feet and Puck guessed it was to make her shut her mouth. He had no idea what she was talking about.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! Hope you enjoyed chapter 5 ! **

**If you could review, I'd be really really happy !**

**Oh, I wanted to ask you, I'm considering going to Sydney to study next year, if some of you have ever been in Australia, could you tell me if it's a really nice country or if I'd rather go to the US. It would help me a lot, you have no idea !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

"Alright, what was that about ?" Puck asked when the couple had left.

"What are you talking about ?" Kurt asked.

"This thing the Sarah girl said about 'the last time I was down'." He said. "John made her shut up but I saw it."

"It's nothing, really." Kurt replied.

"So tell me if it's nothing." Puck challenged him.

"You don't want to know about it Noah." Kurt said, his eyes pleading him to let down.

"For fuck sake Kurt, how d'you want me to remember if you hide things from me !" Puck said angry. "Was it about my dad ?" He asked.

"Yes." Kurt admitted. "He went back last year and your mother wanted you to come back in Lima to see him. I went with you, you were infuriated and all, and he left five days later." Kurt explained.

"Yeah ? And what does he look like ?" Puck asked.

"He's … tall, black hair, with big arms." Kurt described.

"That's me you just described." Puck said. "If you know me that well, you know that my dad is a sensitive topic, and no one jokes about that." He said. Kurt looked suddenly scared. "Hey calm down ! I'm not gonna hit you or any shit ! I just don't understand how something worse than my dad could have happened so you'd rather lie and tell he was back." Puck explained.

"I swear you don't want to know about it." Kurt said. "I'm going to bring blankets on the couch so you can sleep in the bed." Kurt said before walking away. Puck walked after him and grabbed his arm.

"You can't know if I want to know about it." Puck said.

"I know you, and I know that you'd have done anything to forget about it. Now you get the chance to definitely leave it behind you, just take it." Kurt said, walking away again. What could be this huge thing he'd love to forget about ? That made no sense, Puck faced everything, he let nothing hurt him. Except for that damn car.

"I'm gonna find out what you're hiding from me, Kurt. Maybe that day I'll hate you for not telling me sooner." He said. It was low to try to get what he wanted using Kurt's feelings for him. He knew it was, but maybe that way Kurt would tell him.

"You'll thank me when you'll find out and you will regret ever trying to remember." Kurt said as he laid on the couch under a blanket. Puck sighed and went into the room that might have been theirs before. He took his clothes off and laid on the bed. He knew directly which side used to be his. It was not the smell on the bed sheets, or the things on the nightstand, it was his instinct. He soon drifted into a deep sleep.

Kurt woke up, thirsty as hell, in the middle of the night. He found out he was sleeping on the couch and realized it had all been a dream. He always had terrible dreams when he fell asleep on the couch. He got up, went to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of milk. When he was done, he went back to his room and found Puck sleeping in the bed, on his side. He always slept on Kurt's side when Kurt was not here.

"I had an awful dream." He said tiredly, slipping his body under the covers. "You had forgotten all about us and the last two years." He said.

"'t Was just a nightmare princess." Puck muttered. "Come here." He said wrapping Kurt in his arms "I've missed you." He said I Kurt's ear.

"I've missed you too." Kurt answered, before drifting into sleep again.

When he woke up in the morning, Puck knew something was off. There was the very familiar and pleasant scent of Kurt's shampoo filling his nostrils. But why was Kurt's shampoo a familiar and pleasant scent ? And why did he feel so good with Kurt wrapped in his arms ? He opened his eyes and everything came back in his mind. He had had this stupid accident and couldn't remember any damn thing after this game. He slowly put his arms out of around Kurt and got up to go to the kitchen. He poured cereals in a bowl and ate them, his mind empty and full at the same time. Empty because there was a big, two year-sized, blank in his memory. And filled because he had learned so many things about his past the previous day. It felt like he had just read someone's biography but his. And he was still aware of the fact that Kurt was hiding something huge from him. But the boy seemed decided not to tell Puck and that worried him. He had taken a shower in the bathroom and had seen all these thin scars on his torso and chest, but he had no idea how they had gotten here. They looked like they had been made on purpose, maybe Puck had been depressed at some point and had made suicide attempt. That would explain Kurt wouldn't tell him what had happened, he didn't want Puck to fall like this again. Puck didn't even know if he wanted to remember. What was worse ? Not knowing anything related to the last two years, or remembering awful things ? And Kurt really seemed to love him, he would not do that to hurt him, he wanted to spare him.

Puck finally decided that he would not try to know about this until he'd be back in Lima, the day after. Then he would ask his mother and she would tell him, for sure.

"You remembered." Kurt said as he entered the kitchen.

"What ?"

"Last night, you were back like before the accident." Kurt said.

"Why do you say that ?" Puck asked.

"I woke up in the middle of the night and thought all of this was a nightmare. I went in our room and told you this and you took me in your arms, saying that it was only a nightmare and that you missed me." Kurt explained. "But you don't remember about it do you ?" He asked as his eyes darkened.

"No I don't." Puck replied. "Those scars, they're linked to what you don't want to tell me about, right ?" He asked.

"Yes." Kurt answered.

"Just tell me. Did I do it myself ?" Puck asked, almost sure the answer would be positive.

"No you didn't. Please, stop asking me questions about it. You'd hate me if I helped you to remember about it, I don't want you to hate me." Kurt said.

"Alright." Puck agreed. He would know soon enough anyway. And Kurt was already grieving, he didn't need to be forced to speak about that when he clearly had trouble only thinking about it.

"You still want to visit the city today ?" Kurt asked.

"Totally." Puck replied. "We should take bikes it would be nice to ride around the city." Puck offered thinking it would be a very good idea. All of a sudden, a huge smile lit up Kurt's face. "What's with the smile ?" He asked.

"Nothing." Kurt replied still smiling. "I'm sure you'll remember everything one day." Puck shrugged, not getting what was funny.

"Anyway, what about bikes ?" He asked again.

"Let's do that." Kurt answered.

They took two bikes that apparently were theirs and started riding off their street. Kurt led the ride and they went to a Starbucks coffee. However, they entered a door that was not the good one. They went up a bunch of stairs and walked in a corridor before ending in front of a door.

"Does this door ring a bell ?" Kurt asked. Puck stared at the wooden door, trying to remember something about it but nothing came. He saw a list of names written on a paper stuck on the door, he read it to find two names he knew very well.

"Is that where we used to live ?" He asked Kurt.

"Precisely. I'd love to show you what it looks like but John and Sarah aren't there right now so I can't show you." Kurt explained.

"Why are all those names here ?" He asked.

"All the people who used to live here, even for several days and who counted have their name on the door." Kurt explained.

"And why is this name barred ? The paper is even torn, that's insane." Puck said, looking at the black hole, at the place of a name.

"That's Keith." Kurt said.

"Who barred it like that ?" Puck asked.

"No, you did it. There was Keith's name here and you hatied him so much that you wanted his name to disappear."

"Wow, I must have really hated that bastard !" Puck stated, impressed.

"You broke his nose, of course you hated him." At that moment the door opened and a black haired man, who intended to go out, froze.

"Kurt ?" He asked. Kurt froze as well, he looked scared.

"What are you doing here ?" Kurt asked.

"John and Sarah let me sleep here for a few days, I have no other place to crash." He explained. Suddenly, he looked terrified, just when he met Puck's eyes. "Hi Puck." He said uncertain. "So you're still together."

"Not really." Kurt stated. The guy's face lit up.

"Really ? Would like to drink a coffee ?" He asked Kurt. That's when Puck realized that the guy's nose was weird, like it had been broken.

"I don't think so." Puck replied, glaring at the guy. "You think you can come back like that and try your luck again with Kurt ? Guess what, you're wrong. And you'd better never try again or you'll taste my fist once again." He added.

"But I thought you weren't-"

"That doesn't make you less of a jerk." Puck said, he grabbed Kurt's arm and turned around to go out of here. They took their bikes again, not talking, just riding. It felt weird threatening a guy Puck didn't even know for he didn't know what reason. But clearly, he deserved it. Kurt was leading the ride, apparently knowing where he was going, Puck just followed him. At one point, on one side of the street, he caught sight a clinic that rang a bell in his mind, but he had no idea why. Maybe his scars had been treated there, or something like that. When they had a prefect view on the bridge, Puck asked Kurt to stop him, so they had a break and could see the bridge at the same time.

"So, will you tell what this asshole did to you ?" He asked Kurt.

"Last time we were here you asked me how we had decided to date." Kurt said.

"Really ? Well, just tell me everything, so I have a good reason to hate him." Puck replied.

"The first day I got here, we decided to date, he was really charming and I already had feelings for him. It was going too fast, and you noticed it, but we were really fine together so you said it was okay. The problem was that he was my first boyfriend ever, he was older and much more experimented. At that time, I was seventeen and I didn't feel ready to... You know. He pressured me in many ways. You knew it and when you tried to tell me it was wrong I kind of sent you to hell. One day you told him what you thought of our relationship. One week after that he broke up with me because I didn't put out for him. But not before telling me that he had been cheating on me and asking me to blow him.

"I so wish you had told me earlier so I'd have punched that bastard's face once more !" Puck said.

"We've already had our revenge. You punched him and I got him kicked out his parents' home." Kurt said. "Oh and I punched him as well."

"It doesn't seem to be enough since he just asked you on a date." Puck remarked.

"I don't think he'll ever do it again, he's terrified by you." Kurt replied.

"He'd better." Puck said.

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><p><strong>AN: I have nothing to say except, please review ! There are very few reviews on this fic, I'd like to know what you think of it. Please !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

The two boys had a nice day, Kurt no longer looked always sad, he looked normal, just trying to help Puck remember of the tings he had forgotten. A lot of things didn't make real sense to Puck. First, why had he run after Kurt when he had left ? Kurt hadn't said they were friends before he left and Puck remembered not giving a damn about Kurt. Maybe joining glee club had changed things, but at that point it was weird. The boy had friends in glee club, Puck being the only one running after him was awkward. He wondered why he had fallen for Kurt as well. He had never been attracted to a dude before, and, as nice as Kurt was, he was nothing but a friend to Puck. But Puck knew Kurt hadn't made up all that love story, there were proof everywhere to show it had really existed. Puck even seemed to have been the lamer of the two on some pictures. So that was weird too. And there were the clinic and the scars, Puck was certain they were linked to this thing Kurt didn't want to tell him about.

That night, when he went to bed, Puck decided not to annoy Kurt with questions about this mystery anymore. His family would know about it, for sure, he would just have to ask them the day after.

Kurt didn't join him in his bed this time and Puck felt somewhat relieved because, as much as he considered Kurt as a friend, that was all. And sleeping and cuddling with friends was really awkward.

Puck had a really weird dream that night. He was sitting on the sand beside Kurt and was talking about something but couldn't hear himself talking. He was crying, what he was saying was really hard to say, he could feel it. At one point, Kurt started crying too, taking Puck in his arms. He told him that he was sorry.

Puck woke up shaking and sweating. That was a memory, he was sure of that. And not a good memory. The kind of memories you want to forget and never think about anymore. That's when Puck was certain that he would regret ever finding out the truth. But he needed to find the truth, it would explain a lot. Why he had left Lima when he had always thought he would live his life in this town. Why he was living with Kurt, why he had twenty one scars on his chest and torso and who had made them.

Puck got up and started scanning the room. He opened the nightstand drawer but only found lube. _At least, Kurt puts out for me. _He thought, thinking of the other jerk. He walked to the closet, one half was for Kurt and the other for him apparently. He looked up and saw boxes, resting on shelves over the clothes. He grabbed one, put it on the floor and went back for the others. Then he sat on the floor and started opening the first one. It contained school stuff, Kurt's graduation diploma, notebooks and other old things like that. The second box contained his own school papers, he was surprised to see that he wrote down every single lesson almost properly. On the corner of a sheet of paper he found "only 35 days left." written and below was written a reply, probably from Kurt "I won't miss this place." "Me neither. I love u." Puck had written in the end. That was probably from senior year, when they were about to go back in San Francisco.

The third box didn't contain interesting things, there were old guitar strings and partitions. However, the fourth box was much more interesting. On top was a file with the word "trial" written in black letters on it. Puck took a deep breath, remembering the picture of he and Kurt in front of a court. They hadn't been there as tourists, there had been a trial. At that moment, Puck knew he had two options. Either he didn't open the file and decided he didn't want to know the truth, or he opened it, taking the chance of regretting it. But Puck had never given a damn about consequences, he opened the file to find a lot of judicial papers inside of it. He picked the first one, it was a convocation for him to be present for a trial against some guy called Maximilian Saint. Puck didn't know this name, he tried to dig in his memory, because, if he had sued him, he knew he was part of the cause of his scars. He looked in the other papers he could find. The first five papers were convocations as well. Yet, he saw at the bottom of the box, bellow other files, a newspaper clipping. It was the first page of the Lima local newspaper. It was entitled "Justice for the prisoner."

_The juvenile detention center in the middle of a controversy._

_Today starts the trial of one of the most dangerous delinquents of the Lima juvenile detention center (juvie). Indeed, a lawsuit at the encounter of Maximilian Saint has been filed for multiple rapes and sexual assaults. The complainant, who shall remain nameless, went in juvie for two weeks last October and, because of the trauma his stay caused him, has waited two months to gather the courage to initiate legal action. The young man accuses Maximilian Saint of repetitive rapes and repetitive sexual assaults during the two weeks he spent in the center._

"_It is not uncommon that such events occur inside of a detention center, the reason why there are not always lawsuits is the fear of retaliation or simply shame." Declares a specialist in behavior in detention centers. "It would not be surprising that other young men, following this example, show up and engage lawsuit as well."_

_The trial is said to last for weeks and be a dark period for the complainant._

_This lawsuit opens a debate upon the security within the centers and the vigilance of the guards who are supposed to watch and prevent these kinds of awful behavior._

Puck read the paper a second time to get everything in mind.

He could not be the complainant in this case. Kurt hadn't given him much details about juvie but it didn't seem important. And Puck would never let anyone do such things to him, he would crush any guy's head if he intended to touch him. And it didn't explain his scars. Well, when there was rape and stuff, scars were not the priority. But none of it could have happened to him. He'd know it. He'd remember if someone had abused him.

Suddenly, he was filled with anger, the convocations, the pictures, everything was proof that this had happened to him. He, Noah Puckerman, had been raped and the news had said it, displayed it in the whole Lima. He stood up, went out of his room and into the living room, the paper still in his hand.

"How the fuck could you do that ?" He almost shouted to a sleeping Kurt who jumped out of sleep.

"What ?" He asked sleepily.

"You had no fuckin' rights to hide such thing from me !" He shouted again.

"I... Look Noah, I-"

"Shut up ! There's no 'Noah' ! You had no right to keep me out of that !"

"No... Puck I didn't want to hide it from you but it hurt you so much..." Kurt said, tears glittering in his eyes.

"That's part of me ! It was not your decision to decide if I had to know or not about that ! It was me to decide !"

"I was with the doctor Noah, he told me that if you recovered your memory without knowing about that, maybe it would be better for you." Kurt explained crying.

"He was wrong as well ! How dare you say you know me and think I wouldn't want to know about it ?"

"It almost killed you Noah, you were about to commit suicide when you went out of it, I thought you'd rather never think about that again." Kurt said crying hard.

"And at that time I thought that going to see you would help me ?" Puck asked. Kurt nodded slightly. "Apparently I was fuckin' wrong thinking you were a good person."

"You... you wanted to forget, at first you didn't want to tell me because you wanted to forget about it."

"Meanwhile I've been into a fuckin' coma and you jumped on the occasion to lie to me because it would be easier for you to live with a Puck without any memories of his rapes !" Puck accused Kurt. The crying boy in front of him turned angry.

"Because you think I wanted to lie to you ? You think it pleased me to do that ? What happened to you was the key to our relationship Noah ! I knew you wouldn't remember anything as long as you didn't know about it, but I did it for you because at least I still love you !" Kurt shouted back.

"Stop saying that !" Puck shouted.

"I won't stop because I mean it, I love you Noah !" Kurt replied. Puck took a step forward, slapped Kurt full force in the face, making the boy stumble, and grabbed his bag.

"And don't fuckin' follow me I don't want to see you anymore !" He shouted from the door, not even looking back at the wretched boy collapsiing on the living room floor. He was totally infuriated, he had considered Kurt as a friend since he had left the hospital, and all this time he had been lying to him hiding something really huge of his past. He had no rights to do that, that was wrong. The boy had dared calling him Noah, hugging him and sleeping in the same bed as him, knowing about it and lying. No one called him Noah, he was Puck. He had even forbidden his mom from calling him this way.

He walked randomly in the streets, not caring where he was going to. The idea was to get away from Kurt and what he had fuckin' hidden from him. He walked for a good twenty minutes until he sat on a bench in a square, facing a Macy's store. He grabbed a cigaret from the pack he had bought earlier that day and smoked it, trying to clear his mind. He had a hard time realizing that he had been raped. He still didn't remember anything but the mere idea of a bastard fucking him was horrifying.

He finally took a taxi to take him to the airport. He wanted to go away from this place, to go back to were he belonged. And the place he belonged was Lima and his family and friends. Not San Francisco and Hummel.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! That was a tragic chapter, I know, but, maybe, things can't get worse. Hopefully.**

**Please review !**

**Love you all !**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

"Hi guys, I bought croissants for you." Aunt Helen said as she entered her apartment. Kurt got up and ran to her to hug her tightly. "Wow, at least you're happy to see me." She said.

"No... Noah hates me." Kurt cried on her shoulder. He was relieved she was here at last. He had spent the rest of the night crying, hating himself, hating Puck and crying again.

"What are you talking about ? Noah loves you Kurt." She said, hugging her nephew back.

"He hates me Helen. He discovered everything and now he hates me and he left." Kurt said.

"What are you talking about ? What has he discovered Kurt ?" She asked. "Let's sit on the couch and talk about it okay ?" She offered. Kurt walked to the couch and sat down close to his aunt.

"When Noah woke up, he didn't remember anything after a game in junior year." Kurt paused.

"Yes I know, you told me that on the phone." She said softly.

"I talked to the doctor and he told me that it would be better not tell him about what happened in juvie, because it could hurt him even more. So I didn't tell him. I told him everything that happened since the game but he still could not remember. But last night he found the file with all the papers concerning the trial and he understood everything. He went to see me and shouted at me for hiding such important things from him. I explained him why I had done so, we argued. In the end he... he slapped me and went away, telling me not to follow him, that he didn't want to see me anymore." Kurt said, his voice quivering on the last words. "He hates me now." Kurt finished.

"He doesn't hate you Kurt." She told him softly. "He was just under the shock. Learning such thing happened to you must be terrible, and he took it on you because you were here." She explained.

"He slapped me. He's never been violent with me, even back when he used to bully me, he never hurt me." Kurt stated crying. "He slapped me when I told him I loved him. He didn't want to hear me say that because he hates me." Kurt said.

"I've never seen two persons as much in love as you two were Kurt, he can't forget that. Give him some time to recover from the news and then he'll be back."

"I thought that knowing about what happened would make him remember of everything, that he'd love me again. I never thought he'd hate me and leave me like that." He stated.

"I'm sorry Kurt. I know it must be hard for you." She said, taking him in her arms again.

"What am I going to do without Noah, Helen ?" Kurt asked between hard sobs. "He's all I have."

"I know what you feel Kurt. I've had my first girlfriend here, in San Francisco. I lived with her at her parents'. I was really in love with her and one day she broke up with me for no reason. She threw me out and I was left alone in the streets of San Francisco." She told him.

"And what have you done ?" Kurt asked sniffling.

"I moved on. I looked forwards and realized that this city was wonderful. I started painting, people liked my paintings, I slept in different places every night, meeting new people and one day I realized that I didn't think about Nancy anymore."

"But I don't want to stop thinking about Noah." Kurt said.

"I know. I've been there since the very beginning and I can say that what you had or have was stronger than what I had with Nancy. But I know that you're strong Kurt. Stronger than I was. You went through what Keith did to you in a very small amount of time."

"But I had Noah to help me go through this." He stated.

"For now you only have me. I know I'm not the best support you could find but I'm better than nothing right ?"

"You're the best support I could ever find." He replied.

"I need to be worth the trust you put in me." She stated. "What do you want to do today ?" She asked.

"I have to go to the university today."

"You think I will let you go to school on your own ?" She asked rhetorically. "I think you'd rather go shopping right now."

" I need to go in class if I don't want to fail at the exams." Kurt said.

"I know university, there's always a nerd in your class to take every single lesson down. You'll ask him tomorrow to catch up and right now you go and have fun."

"I'd love it." Kurt admitted with a weak smile. "But instead of going shopping, could we go to the beach ?" Kurt asked. The water had always a calming effect on him, and right now, there was nothing he needed more than to be calm and forget for a while.

"Sure we can." She agreed with a warm smile. "But before going, let's eat the croissants I bought." She said. Helen was the only person capable of making Kurt feel almost good and loved in times like these.

"I've missed you." He told her, cuddling against her.

"I've missed you too Kurt." She said giving him a croissant. They ate their breakfast peacefully, not talking about Puck but about how was New York. After that she grabbed her guitar and they sang for a while, forgetting everything else. Then, they packed everything they needed and took Helen's Vespa to go to the beach. It was warm late September day, and Helen was a blessing for Kurt's broken heart.

When Puck's plane landed in Lima airport, he was down. He felt like every single part of his body was aching and his brain would explode soon. He hated everything. He hated the world, hated Kurt, hated his family for not raising him well enough for him to do stupid things and end up in jail. He hated the cops for not stopping that Maximilian guy when he was hurting him. He hated the system for throwing teenagers in jail for a stupid joke. It seemed like he could all but hate everyone and everything for the rest of his life. This was unfair, no one did that to him. He was Noah Puckerman and no one hurt him, he was the one hurting people. He had proved it six hours earlier by hurting Hummel. He was the one in control, had always been. At home he was the man and that was the same everywhere else.

He didn't even want to see his family. They knew. Everyone knew. No one would ever look at him like the badass he had been. They would look at him like the poor victim of a perverse. He took a taxi and gave the driver Finn's address. Finn was his best friend, he would not judge him. When the taxi pulled over in front of Finn's house, he paid the driver and walked up the alley to knock at the door. A man he didn't know opened the door.

"Hello, I came to see Finn." He said, assuming the man was Carole's boyfriend or something like that.

"The Hudsons don't live here anymore. They moved in with Burt Hummel two years ago." The man replied.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry then." He said before going back to the street. He had forgotten that fact. Kurt had told him about Carole and Burt marrying. He walked to the Hummel household, hoping Burt would not be here. If he didn't want to have to deal with Kurt, he didn't want to deal with his dad as well. When he found himself in front of the door, he hesitated for a moment. Before he could make up his mind, the door opened and Finn went out.

"Puck ?" Finn asked shocked by the apparition.

"Hey." Puck said, his voice empty of emotions. "I came to see you."

"Me ? Uh, okay. Where is Kurt ?" Finn asked, looking around.

"He's not here, could we go to your room, or wherever you live ?" He asked.

"Wow, you're not doing okay. I told you I had moved in the garage one month ago." Finn stated.

"Whatever." Puck replied irritated. Finn walked to the garage and opened the door to let Puck in. He sat on a couch. "We're friends right ?" Puck asked.

"Sure we are." Finn answered looking concerned. Puck sat on the couch and broke down into tears. "Dude, what's going on ?" Finn asked putting a comforting hand over Puck's back. "Have you and Kurt broken up or something ?" He asked.

"You know about the accident I had ?" Puck asked.

"Sure I do. Kurt told us you were doing quite well, except for your memory, but it looks like it's back."

"I have been fuckin' raped !" Puck cried. Finn stood awkwardly beside him, uncertain of what to do.

"Yeah dude. But it's over now, Max is in jail now, for the rest of his life." Finn stated. At Max's name, a flash of memory went through his head.

"I can't remember. I only have fuckin' flashes at some moments." Puck said.

"Was it Kurt who told you ?" Finn asked.

"No. The bastard tried to hide it all from me !" Puck said angrily. He received a hit in the back from Finn.

"Dude, don't talk like that about my brother !" He said.

"He didn't want me to remember Finn !" Puck reminded him.

"No one wanted you to remember, okay ? Thing is, Kurt was the only one there." He explained.

"He had no rights to hide this from me !" Puck said angry again.

"Have you got any idea how it hurt him to do that ?" Finn asked. "He spent Wednesday and Thursday night in tears on the phone with us, saying that you didn't remember anything, that you didn't want him anymore. He didn't tell you because he loved you too much to make you suffer like you are now, even though he knew that you would never love him back." Finn said.

"Because you think it makes me love him to know that ? All I feel right now is betrayed, hurt, and that I have no one to count on since everyone seems to think I'd rather never found out the truth."

"I know that you might feel horrible and everything but don't take it all on Kurt, he was really trying to help you." Finn said;

"It's too late okay ?" Puck shouted, remembering the giant slap he had given Kurt.

"What have you done ?" Finn asked worried.

"He kept on saying he had done that because he loved me, I didn't want to hear that !"

"What the hell have you done Puck ?" Finn asked.

"Nothing, I just slapped him and told him not to say that again and not to follow me because I didn't want to see him anymore." Puck replied, already feeling bad about it.

"You slapped him ?" Finn asked. "What the hell is wrong with you ? He fuckin' sacrificed himself for you and you slap him and break his heart like that ?" Finn asked outraged.

"I was angry. I'm still angry by the way."

"If you're angry you take it on Max, or on the driver of the car, you don't take it on people who want to help you !" Finn told him.

"Why the fuck did it have to be me ?" Puck asked as he started crying again.

"I don't know Puck." Finn told him in a softer tone. "But you overcame it once, you can do it again." He said.

"I can't overcome it. I'm beginning to remember. It's getting worse every single second." Puck said as images and feelings ran through him.

"Last time, the only one capable of making you forget was Kurt." Finn stated, uselessly.

"Great, that helps a lot." Puck retorted bitterly. "The guy must be crying on his couch and claiming how much he hates me." He stated, imagining the scene very well.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! For once, Finn's nice in one of my stories, amazing !**

**Please review, it makes my school days much pleasant you have no idea !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

When Kurt and Helen were back in the apartment that night, Kurt was back to his devastated state. The sight of the place where Puck and him had had the fight was here, in front of his eyes and he could relive it in his head. The most terrible in all that was that they had had such a good day before. Kurt had even found the real Puck during the night, the Puck who loved him and wanted to cuddle. And during the day, even though he didn't remember anything, he had sent Keith to hell. Kurt hadn't seen his ex boyfriend since that time when he had had him kicked out of his own house, and the first time he saw him again, Puck was here to stand up for him. But then, everything had collapsed when Puck had found out the truth. Kurt knew that, even with everything he had read, he didn't remember anything, because the Puck who had lived all that would never use violence against Kurt. Even less against a crying and desperate Kurt. When Kurt's phone rang, he unconsciously hoped it would be Puck, his Puck, who called to apologize and tell him that he loved him. But he was surprise when he saw Finn's name on the screen.

"Hi." He said after taking the call.

"Hey Kurt, how are you doing ?" Finn asked in a false jovial tone.

"I'm... I'm doing fine, what's up ?" He asked trying not to sound wretched.

"Listen, I know what happened with Puck." Finn stated. Kurt's heart clenched, everyone knew, wonderful.

"Well, and ?" He asked.

"I'm sorry man. But you know that he's not himself right ?"

"That's who he is now." Kurt retorted. "He's an amnesiac Puck who's sixteen in his head and who hates me."

"No that's not who he is. He remembers now and he hates himself for what he's done to you."

"If he really remembered he'd be here, telling me how sorry he is." Kurt stated. "I'm not saying that I want him to apologize, I just want him back. I don't want to see this Puck anymore, he hates me Finn."

"Look, right now he's having an awful time, things are coming back in his memory. You know, the things that happened in juvie. Can't you, I don't know, come here and try and help him out ?" Kurt hesitated.

"He doesn't want to see me anymore. He hates me, he told me not to follow him." Kurt replied. "If I go in Lima, the only result will be to get even more slaps and that's all. No thanks."

"Okay, I understand." Finn said reluctantly.

"Can you tell me if he ever remembers more than juvie ?" Kurt asked.

"Will do." Finn replied. "Bye bro."

"Bye Finn." Kurt said hanging up.

"You okay dude ?" Finn asked, turning to Puck.

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' great, just having those images of this guy forcing me to blow him in my head. That's awesome you have no idea." Puck replied sarcastically. "Hummel hates me doesn't he ?"

"He doesn't hate you. He's just hurting right now." Finn explained.

"I thought we were madly in love and stuff. If he loved me wouldn't he be here to help me ?" Puck asked irritated.

"He was helping you Puck. He's done everything he could to help you and you hurt him." Finn reminded him.

"Screw that." Puck said. "And stop calling me Puck, I hate that name."

"Okay." Finn replied. "We should do something, see people, I don't know." He offered.

"Everybody knows what happened to me, I don't wanna see them." Puck retorted.

"As you wish dude." Finn replied. "Do you want me to tell Burt and Carole you're here ?" He asked.

"Burt will kill me for hurting his baby boy so no, thanks." Puck replied. "Why don't you hate me ?" Puck asked all of a sudden.

"Why would I hate you ?" Finn asked.

"Quinn, the baby, all that stuff."

"I don't really know. At the time I hated you, but then, it changed you and you were not really the same after that." Finn stated.

"Not the same as the one I'm being right now ?" He asked.

"After the baby gate, you'd have never hurt someone from glee club on purpose. Even less someone who cared so much about you like Kurt."

"So I turned into a lame douche-bag." Puck stated.

"You turned into a man. You were the one making a move on Kurt. And when the authorities wanted to throw you back in juvie, you wanted to stay hidden in San Francisco and Kurt was the one to convince you to engage a lawsuit against Max."

"And that was a hell of a great idea ! Now, every single person in Lima knows I've been raped, wonderful !" Puck said sarcastically.

"You know what ? I thought you were like you used to be in junior year, but you're even worse. If you're going to go on talking like this I'll leave you here alone until you've recovered all your damn memories and realized what a moron you're being !" Finn burst out.

"Go on, let me down. Of all the people who are said to care for me, the two most important just keep on letting me down !"

"Kurt never let you down, you threw him away !" Finn retorted walking at the door. "Just tell me one thing. Do you feel better now that you remember what happened ? Do you prefer what you have now or what you had yesterday ?" He asked.

"Fuck you Finn." Puck gritted.

"That's what I thought. You had been warned that you shouldn't try to know about it. Kurt had told you that you didn't want to know. And now you dare reproaching us not to stay with you, when you turned into such an asshole ?"

"Fuck you Finn." Puck said again.

"You know, when you remember everything, and how important Kurt is for you, and you'll be begging him to get you back, if I were him, I'd never take you back !" Finn shouted finally before storming out of the room.

Puck shot into a can that was lying on the floor. This situation was unbearable. He was having everyone hating him, he would end up alone with his terrifying memories.

"Fuck you Max !" He shouted to the empty room.

The next morning, when he woke up, Puck's head was a blur of images from the last years.

"Hi Noah. How are you doing ?" A woman asked. He opened his eyes and saw she was standing in front of Finn's couch. She had a red dress and her long chestnut hair was falling on her shoulders;

"Hi Helen." He muttered. "If you wanna kill me, go on, I don't care."

"Really ? I have to admit that the idea of slapping you back crossed my mind. Seriously, you can't hurt Kurt like this without getting something in return."

"If reliving juvie every single second is not enough for you, go on, I don't care." Puck said desperate.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! I just want to tell you that, I think I already told you but whatever, I'll try to reply to your reviews this week end, I can't find enough time now. Thanks a lot for letting me know what you think of the story !**

**Please don't stop writing reviews, you're wonderful !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Helen was gone again for a few days in Miami. Kurt spent his days working on his lessons and books, trying to get busy not to think about anything else. He was currently working on _Of Mice and Men _and had already read it three times in three days to get every single detail of the book in mind. He didn't talk to anyone. He had barely any friends at school since it had started one month ago. John and Sarah had come the day before to see how he was doing and to apologize for the confrontation with Keith.

Truth was, Kurt had been thinking of calling Keith several times the past few days. After all, the man still seemed interested in Kurt. And Kurt had grown up since the time they were together. Now he knew what to expect from a perfect relationship and could send Keith to hell if he didn't agree with him. And that would be a real step towards the process of oblivion he had started after Puck had left.

There was a lot of irony in the fact that, once, Kurt had been the only way for Puck to forget about something hard and Keith had been the barrier. And now, Keith was Kurt's only way to forget about Puck.

Kurt knew that Helen would not agree with Kurt and Keith to go back together, and, even though she was not his mom, he usually obeyed her. His aunt hadn't told him when she'd be back in town but Kurt would have to decide himself quickly whether or not he wanted to go back with Keith. The reasonable part of himself knew that it was not a good idea. Keith had been a perfect jerk to him. But Kurt had really been in love with him, there might have been a good reason for that.

Kurt went into the bathroom to have a long, warm bath, in order to clear his mind. The last few days had been an emotional roller coaster, and not in a positive way. He made his way to the bathroom, enjoying the fact that he was alone. He ran the water on, pouring lavanda balls in the bath to have a bubble bath. He started undressing himself, folding cautiously his clothes, and went to the sink to check if he didn't look too much like a zombie. He found dirt on his left cheek, he wondered how he could have gotten dirt here, but shrugged it. He poured water on his hand and started wiping it off. But the stain wouldn't go away and the more he stroked his cheek, the more it hurt. That's when Kurt realized that it wasn't dirt he had on his cheek. It was a bruise, the kind that became more visible as days passed. And it was not a random bruise, Kurt never had bruises. It was due to Puck's slap, the one that had made him stumble and almost fall on the floor. Kurt watched the slight purple lines on his cheek, a tear coming down from his eyes. He grabbed his cell phone that was resting next to his clothes and found Keith's number. Without an ounce of hesitation, he pressed call. It was no surprise when Keith took the call after only one ring.

"Hi Kurt." He said cheerfully.

"Hi Keith." Kurt replied. They remained silent for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. Kurt didn't even know what he expected from Keith.

"So ? You only called me to say hi ?" Keith finally asked.

"Is this coffee offer still on ?" Kurt asked.

"Absolutely." Keith replied happily. "What about tonight ?"

"No, not tonight. Tomorrow morning ?" Kurt offered.

"That's good for me." Keith agreed.

"Great. See you Keith."

"Can't wait." The man replied, Kurt hung up.

So that was it. He had made his choice. He was going to get over Puck with the only man he knew who wanted him for sure. Helen would be disappointed, that was for sure, but Kurt was young, he was allowed to do mistakes. And maybe this time would be the good one, after all, Kurt was not a virgin anymore, they would not fight about that. But thinking about it, Kurt didn't want to have sex with someone else than Puck just now. The last person to touch him was Puck and, in some way, having sex with someone else would be like erasing Puck's memories for good. It was the last thing he had from him, and it was one of the best. It's not that sex was all that mattered for Kurt, but, after two years, things could have lost their spice. But it wasn't the case at all, having sex with Puck was always something amazing, it was like he was discovering the sex universe over and over again.

Just thinking of what they had had made Kurt hard. He entered in his bath to cool off because he knew that if he touched himself right now, he would fantasize over Puck and that was not the best way to get over him; his hurtful words and his slap.

Kurt fell asleep in his bath, thinking of what could result of tomorrow's coffee with Keith. Sure, Keith was not Kurt's soul mate, but the chances for someone to end their life with their soul mates are like zero. People usually settle with someone they appreciate and feel not so bad with. That was what Keith could be to Kurt. After all, the boy had always been too naïve concerning love. First, he had been dating Keith, certain he loved him, when the man was cheating on him. Then, he had been dating Puck and, that time, he knew he was the good one, it made no doubt to him. But Puck, well, a modified version of Puck, had hurt him too.

The next morning, when Kurt was getting ready, he glanced at the door several times, almost hoping Aunt Helen to enter the apartment and stop him from going to see Keith. He felt like, all those times, when you're about to do something you know is stupid, you know you shouldn't do that, but you do it despite everything. Like when someone broke up with you and you know you shouldn't text them because either the reply will hurt or they won't reply at all. But you do it, hating yourself for being so weak. That was exactly how Kurt felt right now. When he looked at his reflection in the mirror that morning, he thought that he must hate himself for going back in Keith's arms. That he must have no pride at all for going back with the man who hurt him the most.

But he already hated himself for not telling Puck from the beginning about Max and juvie. Puck had been right, even though everyone thought the same as him, he should have never tried to hide things from Puck. He knew Puck, knew that he was strong enough to handle the truth, and that he would want to know about it. Noah was not the kind of man who want to be spared, even less such important things. Kurt should have known that. Somewhere, deep inside, he had known since Puck had woken up that they would never get back together. It was impossible. Back in junior year, Puck would have never even considered dating Kurt, the same way Finn had. And now, Puck was back to his old self, his straight self. He didn't feel comfortable with Kurt in his arms anymore, he found it awkward, Kurt knew it. He had been kind enough to try and remember to go back to the life they once had, and Kurt should be glad about it. Now, Puck would go back living in Lima, dating tons of girls, not even having the slightest memory of the time he had spent with Kurt as a couple. Kurt tried to persuade himself that it was for the best, that fate existed and, if Puck didn't remember, that was a sign that they were not meant to spend their lives together. Maybe they would see each other again, feeling awkward for having slept in the same bed one night, and that would be all.

When Kurt was about to step outside, in the street, his cell phone rang. He took it to see it was Puck. Puck, who called him to say what ? That he was sorry ? That he never should have slapped him ? It would only result in Kurt hoping again; thinking that his Puck was back when he was not. There was always this weak part of himself that imagined that he was calling him to say that he remembered, that he loved him and wanted them to be back together. But that was not the case. If it were the case, Puck would be here to tell him that himself. So, as much as Kurt wanted to take the call, he ignored it, putting his phone back, deep inside his pocket.

"You're not taking that call ?" A woman asked from behind Kurt. She was the woman who lived next to Helen's apartment.

"That was an error." Kurt replied.

"I see." She answered, Kurt could see that she didn't believe him but was glad she didn't ask more. "Will you say hi to your aunt ?" She asked.

"I will." Kurt promised. He went outside, dreading what was awaiting for him on his meeting with Keith. He struggled within himself not to take his phone and call Puck to know what his call was about. He finally resolved to put his mobile at the bottom of his bag, where he knew he would have to fumble at least one minute to find it.

He was finally walking down the street when he saw Keith meeting him.

"Hi b... Kurt." He greeted him. Kurt noticed his hesitation in calling him 'baby' and was glad he didn't.

"Hi Keith." He greeted back, avoiding physical contact with his ex boyfriend. But Keith didn't seem to think the same, he took Kurt in his arms tightly as if they hadn't seen each other for years. Which was basically true, if you didn't take their last encounter into account. But it wasn't like they had broken up in good terms. Kurt wiggled softly his way out of Keith's hold. "Didn't we say we'd meet at the coffee shop ?" He asked.

"Yes but I thought it'd be better if you didn't come here by yourself. " Keith explained with a disgusting charming smile. Kurt smiled back politely.

"So, what about you and Puck ?" Keith asked bluntly once they were sitting behind their coffee.

"I bet you can guess by yourself that I don't want to talk about it Keith." Kurt replied coldly.

"Alright, I won't talk about it. From the very beginning I knew he didn't love you like I did." Keith stated, with the same throw-up-worth smile.

"He didn't break my heart. Let's talk about something else." Kurt said again.

"Okay. Let's talk about that giant bruise you have on your face."

"Alright, I'm out." Kurt said standing up, realizing how much of a bad idea it had been to come here. Keith grabbed his hand.

"Wait, Kurt." He said, no, he implored Kurt.

"I'm not staying if you keep on talking about it." Kurt warned him.

"I just wanted to let you know that you could stop defending Puck in front of me." Keith stated. "He used violence against you Kurt. I'd never have done that."

"You tried to force yourself on me Keith." Kurt reminded him.

"I didn't." Keith replied.

"Puck didn't want to hit me." Kurt defended. "We've had a really dark period that's all."

"Yes, Sarah and John told me he had lost his mind."

"Alright. Bye Keith." Kurt stated, standing up for good, unable to go on with this conversation.

"Wait, Kurt please." Keith said standing up as well. "I'm sorry okay, it's just that he hurt you and I hate that." He stated. "Will we meet again ?"

"Maybe." Kurt replied before leaving. Once outside, he fumbled in his bag to check the time and see if he had time to go to the library. When his screen light was on he saw one missed call from Puck and one voice mail. He hesitated again, but listened to it this time.

"_Hi Kurt. I just wanted to tell you that one day, you told me that I couldn't get rid of you even if I wanted. I hope that's true."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: **

Kurt waited twenty seconds before finally hanging up. He had no idea what to think of this message. Was Puck telling him that he remembered ? Was he asking Kurt to help him to cope with what he knew about juvie since he knew that Kurt had helped him once ?

_I did._

Kurt texted back. He didn't want to show any emotion through his text. He had finally decided to give up on Puck, he would not go back on his decision now.

Puck was feeling like he had been feeling before joining Kurt in San Francisco the first time. He felt like it all had happened just the day before, his head ached and all he wanted was to forget again. He had been so stupid to open that file, he should have listened to Kurt and never have tried to find out the truth. He had been with Kurt for two years and Kurt knew him like no one did. Even with his mind blank he knew that all Kurt wanted was to help him.

While his memories were coming back, his addiction to Kurt was growing as well. He had never spent so much time without any news from Kurt since it happened and he felt completely down. But he hadn't found the courage to call him earlier, Finn had been right, Kurt should not take him back. With everything Puck had said about Keith, he hadn't acted better than him.

When Helen had come, she had told him what she thought of hurting Kurt; that it was awful and that, for someone who loved Kurt that much, it was unacceptable. At that moment, Puck who didn't remember everything, had told her what he had been telling to everyone else since the beginning, that he didn't love Kurt. Everyone had been shocked when he told them that and, at that time he didn't understand why they were so shocked. He was Noah Puckerman, and wasn't in love with a dude. But now that he remembered everything it was unbelievable for Puck not to love the boy.

"You okay dude ?" Finn asked when he entered his room.

"Kind of." Puck replied. Physically he was doing fine, but he was internally empty.

"D'you want to come work at the garage with me ?" Finn offered. Puck thought about it for a while. He needed to find something to take his mind of what he remembered and, usually, working on cars made his mind at peace.

"Yeah, why not." He agreed, following Finn outside the room. When they reached the garage, Finn finally said what he had been craving to tell him for a while.

"Look dude, Burt and your mother talked to me, they think you should see a … you know a therapist or someone like that." He admitted.

"You don't think the same ?" Puck asked.

"I... Look, you're my friend and all, but, you've been all depressed since you came back, so I think you should really see someone."

"I don't need to see a shrink okay ? I've already been through this, it's just the same, I will get over it." Puck said irritated

"Puck, I don't mean to upset you but I don't think you can." Finn said carefully.

"Stop calling me Puck ! And I totally can, I did it already, there's no difference."

"You know there's a difference. And a huge one. You wouldn't have done it without Kurt the last time."

"In fact, I don't think I wanna work." Puck stated, dropping the tools he had just taken.

"Dude, I just want to help you !" Finn called him.

"I don't need any fuckin' help okay ? I can handle it by myself !" Puck told him, walking away. He knew he was lying to Finn and himself, he could not handle it by himself, all he wanted was to slam his head against the walls to feel something other than the feeling of Max inside him. He wanted to yell too, yell the loudest he could. He wouldn't make it. He grabbed his cell phone to call Kurt once more, when he saw a text from Kurt himself.

_I did._

Puck pressed call. He heard Kurt taking the call but he didn't say anything.

"Then why didn't you go after me ?" Puck asked.

"You didn't want me to, remember ?" Kurt replied.

"It's killing me Kurt. You promised me that I'd never get rid of you, you should be here !" He reproached the boy.

"You hit me Noah." Kurt's tone was calm but Puck could feel some nervousness. Hearing Kurt call him Noah made him burst into tears, he missed him so much.

"I know I did but I was grieving. You know what it is to hurt someone for them to grieve as much as you do." He accused.

"There's still a bruise on my cheek. You left me alone in the night after hitting me."

"You know what I had just found out, you know how hard it was." Puck said.

"That's why I didn't want you to remember. I had warned you, told you that you didn't want to know."

"I needed to ! Why are you not here ? You should be here !" He said. He was in the middle of the street and people could see him and hear him but he didn't care.

"Why should I be here ?" Kurt asked.

"Because I need you ! I can't get through this without you, you fuckin' know that !"

"All I know is that you had never been violent. You've been a lot of things, arrogant, a jerk, a brat, but never violent. Now you want me to come so I can help you and when you'll be okay you'll throw me away." Kurt retorted, he sounded really hurt, but Puck could not bring himself to sympathize, he was hurting way more than Kurt at the moment.

"You said you loved me Kurt. You said that I couldn't get rid of you even if I wanted to. Now I want you around, I fuckin' do, and you won't come ?"

"And you said that you loved me, that I was your life and that you'd never hurt me. And you wanted me to break up with Keith because he was being violent and mean to me. Guess what he thinks of you now ?" Kurt retorted cruelly.

"You went back with that jerk ? Fine just leave me alone, I don't need you anyway !" Puck shouted on the phone, then he hung up. "Fuck it !" He shouted. He started walking again, going back to his own house. He didn't want to see anyone now, and he knew his mom was at work. As he walked, people looked at him like he was an alien. "What the fuck are you looking at ?" He asked a woman who was staring at him. "I don't care what you think, I don't fuckin' care !" He yelled. He entered his house and went in his room. He ran into his desk and threw everything that was on it on the floor. He threw himself on his bed and punched the pillow the hardest he could until he felt exhausted.

"Noah ?" A little voice asked.

"What ?" He asked sharply.

"Why are you mad ?" Sarah asked from the door.

"I'm not mad I'm just upset." He replied a little softer.

"Why ?" The little girl asked again.

"Nothing Sarah." He replied.

"I don't like to see you mad like that, it was better when you were sending me beautiful postcards from San Francisco." She stated.

"Why ? You don't want to see me anymore ?" He accused.

"No, but you looked happy there."

"and what do I look like now ?" He asked irritated.

"Mom says you look like dad before he went away." Sarah answered. They remained silent for a few minutes.

"I think I'm gonna leave again Sarah."

"With Kurt ?" She asked happily.

"I don't think Kurt wants me anymore squirt."

"Why ?"

"He's got another boyfriend." Puck said coldly.

"He cheated on you ?" Sarah asked.

"No he didn't." Puck replied.

"You remember when you showed me pictures of Kurt's ex boyfriend and told me to kick him if I ever saw him ?" Sarah asked smiling.

"That's him." Puck stated. "His boyfriend is the same. I'm gonna go, hug ?" He asked extending his arms.

"No one hugs their big brother Noah !" She said scandalized. Puck didn't leave her much choice, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "I want Kurt to be your boyfriend again Noah, you're really cool together." She said.

"I want to see him too, Sarah." He replied in the hug. The girl broke the hug.

"Wait, you just want to see him ? You don't want to be his boyfriend ?" She asked.

"He's got a boyfriend, I just told you." Puck said again.

"I know but he likes you best. Don't you want to be his boyfriend again ?"

"I … I don't know Sarah." He answered honestly.

"You'd better make your choice because he'll be here soon." She said.

"Why do you say that ?" Puck asked, hoping she was true.

"He won't leave you like that." She stated in a knowing tone. Puck did not really believe what she said, she didn't know what had happened between them. Didn't know what Puck had done to Kurt and that he had not found the guts to apologize when he had finally had him on the phone. But he liked the way Sarah was thinking, and hoped she was right. He decided to spend the night here, just in case his sister was right.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm really sorry the site messed up again, I'm working on it even though I'm a zero in computer.**

**Chapter 12:**

"I'm not letting you down." Puck heard in his dream. He was dreaming of Kurt being here with him. In his dream he had joined Kurt in San Francisco again and Kurt had forgiven him right away. "Do you hear me ?" Kurt asked him.

"I've been missing you." He said, and he had an impression of dejà-vu.

"You're still sleeping Noah." Kurt said. Puck opened his eyes reluctantly, knowing that Kurt would not be here when he'd wake up. Yet, when he opened his eyes, Kurt was here, right in front of him in the dark of his room. "You're not doing that bad if you can sleep." Kurt remarked quirking an eyebrow.

"How long have you been here ?" Puck asked.

"One hour." Kurt replied.

"I've been dreaming of juvie ever since I remember. It was the first time I dreamed of something else." He said honestly. He went out of his bed and faced Kurt. He hesitated before taking him in his arms and hugging him. "I'm sorry Kurt. I really am."

"I should have told you." Kurt replied. "I shouldn't have tried to hide it from you." He said on Puck's shoulder.

"I don't wanna know about it. I never should've tried to know." Puck admitted. "I really need you, just like before."

"I'm okay to help you with this." Kurt said breaking the hug.

"Thanks." Puck said, noticing the formal tone Kurt had employed, like he was doing it as a duty. "Don't do it if you don't want to." He added.

"I will do it. I know you need me." Puck wanted to take Kurt in his arms again and to kiss him to show that his feelings were back as well. But he didn't because Kurt was with Keith again.

"So, what do we do now ?" Puck asked. "We go back to San Francisco ?" If Puck had to be honest with himself, all he wanted was to go back in San Francisco and resume the life they had before his accident.

"I don't think that's a good idea Noah." Kurt replied making Puck's blood turn cold. He had been thinking that it was the way things were going to be, but there was Keith. Kurt was dating him again now, and living with his ex boyfriend would be awkward for them. Puck wanted to tell him not to date him again, that it was a mistake and that Keith would hurt him again, but he couldn't. Keith had never used such violence against Kurt. Puck could not decently tell Kurt what to do after that, he was already lucky that Kurt had decided to come.

"Okay." Puck simply replied. They remained silent, not looking at each other, the tension was terrible in the room. "In fact, no. I'm not okay with that." Puck finally burst out.

"What ?" Kurt asked.

"I can't stay here, people are staring at me in the streets, they whisper things, they all know what happened, I can't stay here. I know it would be awkward to live together in San Francisco without dating but it'd be better for me. Besides we have our lives in San Francisco and nothing left here."

"I honestly don't know if living together would turn out well Noah." Every time Kurt pronounced his name, Puck felt this chill throughout his body, the same one he had felt the first time Kurt had called him this way, and ever since.

"Why ? We know each other by heart, we get along more than well. All we'll have to do is sleep in separate beds, I'll take the couch." Puck said, hoping it would be enough for Kurt to agree. "I know I've been violent and I apologize. I'll apologize everyday of my life if you want me to. But please, if you want to help me, let me go back in San Francisco with you Kurt." He almost implored the boy.

"It's not that I don't forgive you, actually, I don't know if I do. But, when you see the life we had, I don't know if we can still live together when we're not that close."

"You remember when you were dating Keith and we lived together ? It will be just the same, we'll just be, I don't know, friends, and I won't spend my time despising your boyfriend, I promise." He said, although he doubted ever being able to stand the sight of Kurt and Keith entering Kurt's room for the night.

Kurt thought about it for a while. It hurt to see that Puck was already imagining Kurt with another boy. The Puck he had been with would have never even considered Kurt to be with someone else than him. But it was clear that, although his memories were back, his feelings were gone. But Kurt had promised he would help him and he would.

"Fine." He agreed. Puck smiled widely but that was all. He didn't take Kurt in his arms or kiss him or anything. He just smiled. Kurt knew he should be happy to see Puck in such a mood after what he had been through. But he just could not bring himself to it.

"Sleep here tonight ?" Puck asked. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"Okay." Kurt nodded, realizing that since the night he had sneaked into Puck's bed, the boy made sure it didn't happen again. Puck stripped to find himself in only his boxer, making it a torture for Kurt not to touch him. _Does he do it on purpose to take revenge on what I hid from him ?_ Kurt wondered. He turned his eyes and simply took off his shoes before laying on Puck's bed.

He remembered when they had both been lying here only two hours before starting to date. How Puck had told him that he had been sleeping well thanks to Kurt's presence. At that moment, Kurt had known he loved Puck. He had been struggling with his feelings for a while, but after Puck had said this, he knew perfectly well that what he had been feeling for Keith was nothing compared to what he felt for Puck. Ant Puck loved him too, he had been in love with him for so long Kurt couldn't believe it.

"Goodnight Kurt." Puck muttered from the floor.

"Goodnight Noah." Kurt replied. Things had definitely changed. Before all that, they told each other 'I love you.' before falling asleep. They would have never been able to fall asleep in the same room not being in the same bed. How would their lives turn out ? If they went back in San Francisco they would live together for a while and as soon as Puck gathers enough money he'd find his own place to live and they would go separate ways ? Maybe they would still be friends, seeing each other occasionally. Puck would introduce Kurt to his girlfriend who would later become his wife and the mother of his children and Kurt would have to be polite and be happy for him, hiding the jealousy that would burn inside him his whole life. Because something told him that he would never get over Puck, it was impossible, what they had lived together was far too perfect to live it again with someone else.

"You bastard !" Puck said all of sudden. Kurt opened his eyes, trying to figure out what he had done to deserve such an insult. Maybe he had thought all of that out loud and Puck hated him now. "I'm gonna kill you ! You can't do that to me !" He said again. Kurt finally found the courage to face Puck and see if he was going to hit him again. But he found a sleeping Puck on the floor, fighting with an imaginary opponent. Kurt went out of the bed and knelt beside Puck. Before he could wake him up, Puck threw his arm his the air, hitting Kurt's nose in the process.

"Ouch !" He said before sneezing like every time something hit his nose.

"Kurt ?" Puck asked opening his eyes. He looked startled and shocked at the same time. Kurt all but burst out laughing at the comic of the situation. "I'm sorry Kurt I didn't mean to hit you." Puck said looking awfully embarrassed.

"That's okay." Kurt replied still chuckling.

"Shit, your nose is bleeding !" Puck stated.

"I'm telling you it's okay, it doesn't even hurt. Go back to sleep I'll handle it."

"You're kidding me ? I just hit you ! I never hit you before and in less than one week I fuckin' hit you twice !" Puck said alarmed. He stood up, grabbed Kurt's arm and took him to the bathroom.

"I'm okay Noah, really, you didn't do it on purpose. I don't know who you were fighting against but you definitely won." He stated still amused.

"I... don't remember." Puck replied. "Stop laughing, me hitting you is not funny." He said irritated.

"What ? Do you want me to cry because in your sleep you hit my nose ?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know but I feel really bad."

"Do you want to sleep on the bed now ? You'll sleep better." Kurt offered.

"Yes I think it will be better." Puck accepted. "But you can still sleep in it, there's room enough for the two of us." Kurt knew that Puck was offering that just to be polite but he appreciated the gesture.

"No, thank you, I'll sleep on the floor." Kurt denied politely.

"Alright." Puck said going to his bed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

"I knew it !" Sarah shrieked as she entered Puck's room in the morning. "I told you that Kurt wouldn't let you down !" She yelled, jumping on Puck.

"Yeah, you were right." Puck muttered sleepily.

"Why is that pillow on the floor ?" She asked pointing at the floor over Puck's stomach.

"That's where Kurt slept." Puck explained bitterly.

"Why did he sleep on the floor and not in your bed ?" Sarah asked frowning.

"I already told you why Sarah." He replied, slightly irritated. He had already spent the night frustrated of sleeping with Kurt refusing to sleep in the same bed as him.

"Because he's dating the jerk ?" She asked.

"Don't talk like that !" He scolded at her. "But yeah, that's why." All of a sudden, Sarah stormed out of the room and ran downstairs. Puck felt that she was about to do something stupid, he ran after her, but it was too late.

"Kuuurt ! You shouldn't date him ! He's a jerk !" She told Kurt who was cooking pancakes in the kitchen.

"Maybe he's not so bad." Kurt stated calmly.

"Yes he is." She said. "He'll hurt you again."

"Look Sarah, I don't think it is your place to talk to me about it."

"Sarah !" Puck yelled from the stairs. "Sorry Kurt, I didn't know she was going to run to you like that."

"That's okay. But what have you done for her to tell such things ?" Kurt asked.

"Nothing." Puck replied. He had told Kurt he would not despise Keith in front of him, he was not going to tell Kurt that he had told Sarah to kick him if she ever saw him.

"Okay. I made pancakes if you want some. I'm going to take a shower." Kurt said, leaving the kitchen.

"He still likes you." Sarah smirked.

"I don't think he does." Puck replied sadly. "Anyway, it's not the problem now."

"I want you to be boyfriends again !" Sarah pouted.

"It's not about you, Sarah."

"As if you didn't want it too !" She challenged him.

"It's not about me either." He stated unsure. "I gotta go." He added leaving the room as well. He went upstairs and entered the bathroom.

"Noah ? What are you doing here ?" Kurt asked, standing bare-chested in the middle of the bathroom.

"I wanted to ..." Puck lost his voice at the sight of Kurt and his amazing body. "I wanted to check how's your nose." He improvised.

"Oh, it's doing okay." Kurt replied.

"Did you sleep well on the floor ?" He asked clumsily.

"Yes, it was not uncomfortable." Kurt answered. Puck wanted to go on talking with Kurt, he didn't want to leave him now, just having him in front of him like that made him think that everything could just, magically go back like before, both boys forgetting about Puck's stupid messed up memory. He wished they were in their bathroom of San Francisco in the morning, talking about shit and laughing for nothing like they used to do. He wanted them to laugh and to have Aunt Helen coming up to them to tell them to be quieter if they didn't want the neighbors to come and try to break the door just like that time when he was angry.

Puck wasn't asking for much, just a jump in the past and being able to see the car and avoid it. If God existed, he would give him that, for sure. Maybe he had not been the best Jew on earth but he had paid for his faults, now he deserved to be happy, and his happiness started with having Kurt back in his arms. Just to be able to feel his soft skin under his hands, to feel his breath in his neck at night, to hear his voice saying the words he loved so much. After all, the Kurt in front of him was the same one he used to be, Puck had been the one changing for a while. The Kurt who had been his boyfriend would have never stopped loving him, so how had it happened ? How had Puck come to hit him ? Back in Junior year he would have never used violence against Kurt. Even though he did not like him he knew the boy was too fragile to ever deserve to get hurt. But he had done it when he was at the worst of himself. He could not ask Kurt to take him back after that, damn, he could not even forgive himself. He was glad Kurt had agreed on Puck coming back in San Francisco with him, he would live with that.

"So, when are we leaving ?" He asked.

"There's a flight at eleven." Kurt said. "If you still want to go, we'll take this one."

"Kurt, I feel like you don't want me to come with you." Puck said honestly. Kurt looked at his feet, looking shy.

"It's not that I don't want you to come. I just think it's going to be awkward, but if you're certain you want to do it, I'm okay."

"I don't want you to be okay, I want you to want me to come. I don't want to force you to help me." Puck explained.

"You're not forcing me Noah. I want you to come." Kurt admitted in the end. Puck smiled.

"Alright. Then I will." He said happily.

"Hey lovers !" Sarah said from the door.

"Sarah !" Puck scolded, glaring at her.

"Whatever, mom wants to see you." She said rolling her eyes.

"Alright Sarah." Kurt replied, grabbing his shirt. The girl went down the stairs again.

"Sorry again." Puck stated, facing Kurt.

"No problem." He replied. "Do you mind ?" He asked showing his shirt.

"Oh, come on, I've seen you naked hundreds of times !" Puck retorted.

"We're not dating anymore Noah, it means we have to behave like friends or something from now on." Kurt explained. Puck was pissed off, first Kurt went back to Keith and now he didn't even want to dress in front of Puck.

"Whatever, I have stuff to do." He stated moodily leaving the bathroom. He went downstairs to see what his mom wanted to talk about.

"Ah, Noah you're here. Sarah just told me Kurt was here." She said smiling.

"He is." He replied, not knowing what else to say.

"Are you boys staying for some days ?" She asked hopeful.

"No mom we're taking the next flight"

"Oh." She stated, disappointed. "Is everything fine between you two ?" She asked.

"Depends what you mean by fine." He answered.

"What's going on sweetheart ?" She asked.

"Mom, don't call me sweetheart I'm... like nineteen now !" He said looking around to see if Kurt could be hearing.

"Sorry Noah. So what's going on ?"

"Nothing. We're just not boyfriends anymore." He replied, his heart aching.

"But Noah still has feelings for Kurt and so does Kurt." Sarah said from her chair.

"You know nothing Sarah, stop that." Puck told her.

"Hi Rebecca." Kurt said when he joined them. "Noah, we should hurry if we want to catch the next flight."

"Alright." Puck said standing up. "Stop holding my bag, it's far too heavy for you." Puck said, trying to grab it from Kurt's hands.

"I don't mind. Besides, you're still recovering, you shouldn't hold heavy stuff." Kurt replied, keeping a strong firm hold on the bag. "Goodbye Rebecca. Bye Sarah." He kissed them on the cheek before going out. Puck sighed in front of Kurt's stubbornness.

"Bye mom. Sis." He said going after Kurt.

Rebecca smiled as she watched the two boys leaving the house, Puck still trying to grab his bag and Kurt still refusing.

"I think you're right." She told Sarah happily.

"Of course I am. Noah was saying Kurt's name when I woke him up this morning."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! I'm sorry for the delay, I had originally written that chapter way too short so I needed to add some things.**

**Hope you like it, please leave a review to let me know what you think of the fic !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

Puck was in his room, pretending he was sleeping while he was only lying here, thinking about everything. He didn't know if he wanted to keep on living here if things with Kurt were not the way they used to be. After landing in San Francisco they had taken a cab to go back home, during the ride, Kurt's phone had rung and Puck had caught sight of the screen, to see it was Keith calling. The happiness he had been feeling to be back here had vanished in one single second. Because he had realized that things would never go back the way they used to be. Kurt had found a way to get over him and go on, and maybe it was what was supposed to happen. Maybe they should just go on their respective lives. Kurt was with Keith now, maybe they would marry and find their own place and Puck would have to pretend he was happy for Kurt and try to find someone for himself.

Someone.

He didn't even know what he was now. Was he gay or bi ? He couldn't bring himself to picture his life with another man, couldn't imagine living with a girl as well. He didn't know if he ever could manage to have sex with someone without picturing Kurt in his head.

He knew he would have to move on if he ever wanted to be happy. He could not spend his entire life loving Kurt with nothing in return.

He could hear Kurt was watching TV in the living room. At the hearing of it, it sounded like he was watching The Lion King. Puck felt a wave of sadness surrounding him, he loved Kurt so much. The way the boy was still a child sometimes, he could spend entire days watching Disney movies, and Puck used to watch them with him, just to see Kurt's amazed face and comfort him when there was a sad scene. Like when Mufasa died or Bambi's mom was shot.

Puck stood up and went into the living room to live a little like they used to. He sat on the couch next to Kurt, but not too close to show there was no ambiguity. Kurt had a tear on his cheek, it was glittering with the blue light of the screen. He was wonderful of beauty, all Puck wanted was to take him in his arms and kiss his sadness away. Kurt was not crying over Mufasa's death though, it was the passage of Can you feel the love tonight. It saddened Puck as well, the lyrics and music were so beautiful, he had never stopped and listened to them before. But the love tonight was unrequited. Puck spread his arm behind Kurt's neck, he didn't care that Kurt had a boyfriend, it was Puck who was here at the moment. Kurt didn't remove his eyes from the screen but rested his head on Puck's shoulder. They stayed like this for a while, quietly watching the movie.

"Noah, can I ask you a question ?" Kurt asked softly, not looking at him.

"Sure." Puck replied, hoping Kurt didn't want him to remove his arm from where it was, because it was where it belonged.

"Have you got an idea why things went this way ?" Kurt asked.

"What do you mean ?" Puck asked. They were both watching the movie while talking.

"I mean, I really thought that you would remember everything when you'd know about juvie." Kurt explained.

"I do." Puck answered, not getting what was Kurt's point.

"No you don't. If you did, you'd remember how you felt about me. You loved me. I know you did, I never imagined it." Kurt said, there was so much sadness in his voice, Puck felt like crying.

"I know you never imagined it. What is the point of this conversation Kurt ?" Puck asked. It sounded like Kurt wanted Puck to admit his feelings, as if he wasn't grieving enough.

"I just don't understand how you can remember everything and still not feel the way you used to."

"What do you think I am feeling Kurt ?" Puck asked, looking at him this time. "What do you want from me ? You want me to tell you how much I love you for you to tell me 'too bad I'm not yours anymore' ?" Puck asked. "I'm grieving enough I don't need you to torture me." He said bitterly.

"I'm not dating Keith, Noah." Kurt said. Puck looked at him incredulous and Kurt finally removed his eyes from the screen and looked back at him with his shining eyes.

"You told me what he thought of me, he called you, I didn't dream all of that." Puck said.

"I saw him once but I left five minutes later when he was insulting you." Kurt explained.

"So you mean that you're not dating anyone ?" Puck asked more hopeful than ever.

"I don't think I could ever date anyone again." Kurt said. "I can't bring myself to stop loving you."

"Never stop." Puck told him, grabbing his hand. "'Cause I could never stop loving you as well."

"Does it mean that we've been torturing ourselves for nothing the last few days ?" Kurt asked.

"Obviously we've not been the brightest." Puck replied. "But I think we can make it up to us." He said kissing Kurt on the lips like he had never kissed him. Kurt passed his arms around his neck and pressed Puck tight against him.

"I thought it would never happen again." Kurt muttered between kisses.

"So did I." Puck replied. "You're so perfect, I can't believe I slapped you." He said kissing Kurt's bruise on his cheek.

"You were lost. I don't blame you for that. Now you're your real self." Puck smiled at that, it was true, he felt like he was back from a bad dream. He kissed Kurt on the lips and down his neck. It felt so good to feel Kurt's soft skin after all that, he sneaked his hands under Kurt's shirt to feel the small of his back.

"I need you." Puck whispered in his ear.

"Then have me." Kurt replied, lifting Puck's T shirt to remove it. Puck didn't need much more to grab Kurt's shirt and almost tearing it away. He laid the boy on the couch and laid over him to kiss him while he was unbuttoning his pants. "What about you make love to me like you never did ?" Kurt asked huskily.

"That was the plan baby." Puck replied. They were both naked now and Puck had never been that aroused, except maybe, for their first time. Kurt was here, lying under him, his soft white skin contrasting with the black material of the couch, he looked completely vulnerable. The tanner boy looked at him with loving eyes and leaned back to kiss his chest and basically everywhere he could reach. "Has someone missed me ?" He asked when his mouth was a the level of Kurt's cock.

"Are you seriously talking to my penis ?" Kurt asked with laughter in his voice.

"Hey, poor thing has been neglected for too long, we need to cheer it up." Puck replied before licking the tip of the length.

"Oh my." Kurt said at the income of pleasure.

"Oh your what ?" Puck teased.

"Will you stop talking and go on with your work ?" Kurt said. Puck chuckled and went back pleasuring the man he loved the most. He worked on stretching him as he sucked and licked his cock "You shouldn't be allowed to tease people like you do, you know ?" Kurt said as Puck teased him with his tongue.

"Want me to do something babe ?" He asked teasingly.

"I thought that you could maybe put your nice cock inside me, love." Kurt said half sarcastically.

"You just had to ask." Puck answered smiling. He went up Kurt's body to place himself between the long legs he could stare at for hours and slowly entered the tight hole he knew so well. He hadn't had sex for weeks and the tightness sent him on the edge of climaxing right here and there. He closed his eyes not to look at Kurt's hot face and body and tried to cool off a little bit.

"I missed you there." Kurt said as he gasped and reached for air. His hands were everywhere on Puck's body, brushing and scratching; leaving marks as Puck was thrusting hard into hum.

"I love you so fuckin' much." Puck said. Kurt brushed softly his cheeks, he was breathless and looked like an incarnation of both lust and love. His hips met each thrust and the feeling of his legs tightly wrapped around his hips sent them both into a mind blowing orgasm. For several seconds, all Puck could see were stars as he collapsed on top of the mess that was Kurt. His hair was battle field, his cheeks were red and he was sporting a blissful smile he could only give to someone he truly loved.

"Thank god we never involved feelings in our relationship." Kurt joked lightly.

"Tell me about it, a purely physical relationship is way better, I can't imagine what a mess it would be if I loved you." Puck replied smiling as he kissed his boyfriend on his lips.

"You're perfect Noah." Kurt told him softly, kissing his cheek.

"Not yet, I have lost some muscles with all the mess, but I'll get them back so freakin' quickly, just for you." They cuddled for a while softly, whispering sweet nothings in each other's ear. "By the way, if I cuddle it's only because you like it." He lied, smiling.

"What do you think would have happened if I had never left Lima in the first place ?" Kurt asked.

"I probably would have forced you to tell me how you managed to stay proud and everything despite what we used to do to you." Puck answered honestly.

"Do you think we would have ended up together ?" Kurt asked. Puck thought about it for a while.

"Probably not. I would have never told you about what had happened in juvie, we would have been in Lima and I don't think I'd have ever admitted my feelings for you. Maybe I'd have had a nervous breakdown or something, not having you the way I had you."

"Maybe we would have ended up in an asylum both of us since I was having a nervous breakdown as well." Kurt replied, smiling gently.

"I'd have be hitting on you in the asylum, we would have been having sex in the nurses' room just to mess with them."

"Are you seriously fantasizing about us having sex in an asylum ?" Kurt asked in disbelief.

"That'd be hot." Puck shrugged.

"For now I think the couch is hot enough, then maybe we'll try in the library since you've been begging me for months." Kurt answered, making Puck smile widely.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! I'm back with a chapter ! I'm sorry for the late update but the end of the chapter just didn't want to be written.**

**Anyway, I hope you liked it, they're finally back together, isn't it cute ? =)**

**Please let me know what you think of it, it would be wonderful for me !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


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